Here’s the scenario: Your friend is getting married this weekend and he has begged you to come. You tell him that you would love to and that you would definitely be there, because you can’t miss your best friend being wed to the most beautiful woman in your college class. You can do no more than three of the following actions to ruin his marriage to the girl whom you’ve wanted to ask out for the last three years:

1. Offer to be the best man, but don’t show up. Call your friend the next day and explain to him that you were too drunk to came and that you weren’t… uhh… were… very very sorry in a slurred speech.
2. Bring a six pack of beer to the wedding and drink one while watching what you refer to as “one hell of a show”.
3. Dress in wino clothing and make sure to carry an unpleasant scent: Sit by your friend’s mother and father. Hint: Sit between them for the full effect. (Bringing
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How to Ease the Bridezilla »

the beer helps too.)

4. Hoot, holler, and shout “Yee Hawww, you give it to her man!” when the bride and groom are about to kiss. (That beer in the outspread right hand will increase the effectiveness of your ploy).
5. Shout “I OBJECT!” after the preacher says “… any objections… speak now or forever hold your peace…”
6. Report loudly: “So you knocked her up too, eh?” anytime during the processions.
7. Smoke. Offer the person beside you a cigarette.
8. Listen to a comedy tape (any comedian will do) and laugh loudly during the processions.
9. Pick your teeth, pick your nose, pick your ears, be flatulent, snort, and scratch your bottom throughout the wedding; make sure those around you notice. Also make sure that they know that you are a friend of the groom.
10. Drug the wedding cake and wine the night before, and when everyone is either intoxicated or high, take advantage of the cover to make your move on the bride.