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You’re going on your first date. You want to make a really good impression. This is important to you. Here are fifteen things that you should not do on your first date:

1. Never tell your date that she reminds you of his dog. If you do this, you may be in for a rough evening.
2. Never give your date flowers that look like they are about to die.
3. Never show up at your date’s house with garlic breath.
4. Never try to high five your date’s father. This is particularly dangerous if you look like a wimp.
5. Never take your date to a restaurant that looks like it ought to be condemned.
6. Never take your date to a restaurant where you ask her to pay for both meals.
7. Never sneeze in your date’s face and then wipe your hand on her dress.
8. Never tell your date that you are a real stud and that she ought to be happy that she is even with you.
9. Never take gum out of your mouth and ask your date if she would like to chew it.
10. Never tell your date that she would be more attractive if she lost fifty pounds.
11. Never squeeze pimples on your face in front of your date.
12. Never tell your date that you carry protection wherever you go.
13. Never pass gas as you meet your date for the very first time.
14. Never smell your armpits in front of your date.
15. Never spill hot coffee on your date’s lap and try to clean it up with a dirty rag.