Right, this stuff needs to be said.

1. Stop fishing in your wallet for pennies to pay the till person. They have change.
2. Till operators, It’s not our duty to carry change for you. Get some bleeding change.
3. Lay off the stoners. What are they going to do? Knife you for money to feed their habit? Leave them be.
4. Stoners, lay off the pot once in a while. Some of you look as if you’re starting to physically phase out of the world.
5. I don’t drink too much, you’re just not pretty enough
6. When I lock my front door, don’t call me up to ask where I am and why you can’t come in. I have a life and I lead it.
7. Atheists, please, just please pull your heads out of your collective rectum
8. Theists, realise that God is not going to pay your rent, feed your kids and buy you a new PC
9. No one should neglect their “spiritual side”. This simply means that you need to sit and think about your life, your purpose, your opinions and your goals. Science is a perfectly acceptable solution to this.
10. Get a job
11. Get off the computer once in a while
12. Drink something you’ve never drunk before at least once a month, even if it’s not alcoholic
13. If you’re teetotal, try drinking
14. If you drink, try being teetotal
15. Rock and roll is not a sin. As far as I am aware, the pope has never added it to the list of sins.
16. He has however added destroying the environment to that list
17. For the love of all that you hold dear, please stop taking the “One person never made a difference” approach. You’re right, one person never made a difference, beyond being something that about 10,000 other “one people” could gather around and make their voices heard.
18. Behind every great person was a legion of faceless masses holding them up on their pedestal
19. Turn off your light bulbs when you’re not using them. See numbers 16 and 17.
20. Always stop to think, but never stop to think too long
21. Get a REAL job
22. Money isn’t everything, but anyone who says money can’t make you happy is an idiot
23. Read at least one book a month. It doesn’t have to be fact, it doesn’t have to be fiction, it doesn’t have to be short or long. Just read the damn thing.
24. Write at least 500 words a week. Keep a blog, write a story, write shorts, write a diary, it doesn’t matter. Just write SOMETHING.
25. Read other people’s blog’s articles and websites. Okay, there’s a LOT of crap out there (you’re reading some now), but nestled among the faeces is the occasional diamond.
26. Buy at least two papers a week and spend at least half an hour reading each. One should be a tabloid, one should be a broadsheet.
27. Turn one of your hobbies into a secondary income. It’s not that hard and it’s basically free money.
28. Play a few Role Play Games such as Dungeons and dragons or world of darkness. I know you think they’re just for socially inept nerds with asperger’s and a junk food fixation, but they are fun, a great way to socialize, and fantastic escapism.
29. If that fails, Role Play in the bedroom
30. Experiment with light bondage at least once. I’ve never met a single woman that didn’t like at least a pair of handcuffs.
31. Create something at least once a month. Draw, sculpt, write, cook. It doesn’t matter, just create something new.
32. In fact, learn to cook if you can’t already. If you can cook, expand your knowledge with regional styles and recipes.
33. Cook for friends
34. Then make them do the washing up
35. Have a decent cook prepare a meal for you once in a while
36. Tip where tipping is appropriate
37. Sing. If you’re bad at it, do it when no one is around.
38. The main difference between men and women is that when men look in the mirror, they always see Adonis. When women look in the mirror they always see Medusa.
39. If you don’t know what Adonis and Medusa mean, then look them up
40. If you don’t know what something means, look it up
41. The internet is a great way to research stuff, but there’s a lot of crap out there too
42. Please note that the internet does not mean “Wikipedia”. That is a part of the internet, but look elsewhere too.
43. Do at least SOME of your research in a library, if only for the satisfaction of finding what you where looking for the hard way
44. Hard, doesn’t always mean more rewarding
45. Easy doesn’t always mean better
46. Delegate. This is one of the most important skills you will ever learn.
47. Every manager who set unreasonable goals and deadlines for you has a manager above them, setting unreasonable goals and deadlines- ad infinitum. People who try to break this cycle never get very far. See 46.
48. Get a job that you enjoy. Please fulfil numbers 10 and 21 before doing this.
49. STOP SHOUTING
50. TV is a great form of entertainment, a great way to educate yourself and a good drinking friend. Please note that it can be two of these three at the same time, but never all three.
51. For every night you drink at home, drink in a public house
52. Use the juke box. It’s a great way to meet people with similar tastes in music.
53. Drink one cup/glass of water a day
54. Fad diets are for idiots. Shut up, I don’t care what you think. If you want to lose weight, Exercise, and count calories. Joining a fat club can help too. Put the Atkins book away, put the cream cake down, and pick the running shoes up.
55. Give anything you don’t use or don’t want to people who might use/want it. If that fails, give it to a charity shop. Only sell/ eBay it if you need the money.
56. Stop panicking and start doing something
57. Support local businesses. They will look after you in return.
58. Turn up for work with a hangover once. If you can still do your job and no one complains, then go ahead and keep doing it.
59. If you can’t think of anything to buy as a gift, just stick a tenner in the card
60. Never just smile and nod
61. Never, EVER do the above and follow it with the words, “Yes Dear”
62. Never give up
63. Know when to move on
64. Giving up and letting go are not the same thing
65. Eating meat is not wrong
66. Something died for your steak
67. PETA take it too far
68. Most people don’t take it far enough
69. Stop complaining and DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT
70. Share your knowledge and wisdom. At the end of the day, it’s the thing most likely to live on after you die.