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Advice: What Not to Do to a Girl
I have really done these things, though not all to the same person. Some are worse than others.
- Don’t make out with a different girl just to get your ex to leave your place of business. If you ever get back together with the ex, this is an issue that will come up. A lot.
- Don’t spend 45 minutes with your hand on the pregnant belly of someone your girlfriend hates. Especially if there are rumors circulating that you might be the father. (The rumors were false, but still)
- Don’t accidentally punch your girlfriend in the vagina while crawling toward her.
- Don’t cheat on your girlfriend with your ex.
- Don’t cheat on your girlfriend with your friend.
- Don’t date a girl just because your father pays attention to them.
- Don’t mix up the ‘hair towel’ and the ‘body towel’.
- Don’t yes a girl to death – you never know what you’re agreeing to.
- Don’t tell anyone you’re breaking up with a girl before you actually do it. Especially don’t tell everyone she knows.
- Don’t agree to difficult terms and then hold it against her. This applies to anything and everything.
- Don’t make decisions. All decisions need to be discussed first so that each given decision represents the unified will of both members of the couple.
- Don’t play rough. You’re a pussy if you lose and an asshole if you hurt her. It’s a very fine line to walk.
- Don’t tell a girl you love her just to speed up her willingness to have sex with you. She’ll expect greater committment from you in the future and she was going to have sex with you soon anyway.
- Don’t agree to rank your current girlfriend’s attributes in terms of any previous girlfriends’ attributes. She may give you the line that she just wants to know if there are ways she can be better to you. This is a trap. In fact, it’s so difficult to navigate away from the fact that she even asked that question at all that you might consider breaking up right there and then.
- Don’t try to visit a female friend hundreds of miles away for several days right at the point that you and your girlfriend are starting to have problems. This will be highly suspect.
- Don’t break up with a girl without having your justification thoroughly thought out. Telling her that the pimple on her chin is disgusting because you didn’t know what else to say is going to have you hated and possibly beaten up.
- This one needs a preface before I get to the ‘don’t’. Some girls like to be spoken to dirtily, and like to feel slutty about having sex, even though they really aren’t. Don’t use this as justification to whisper to her while having anal sex, “What would your father think of you?” The clenching that follows is nice, but her displeasure will be obvious. Don’t try to finish.
- Don’t think that apologizing once for something is enough.
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DUH! lol. this is hillarious.