I live on the 10th floor of a high-rise condo building, and absolutely hate most aspects of living here. The property value has done nothing but drop since I signed the paperwork. Within minutes of moving in, the general manager was right up in my face, screaming at me and making sure I knew who was boss. The infrastructure is falling apart, and the inhouse maintenance men will literally walk into your home without notice and break things, even if you didn’t ask for them to be there. Last year, we had a major fire and let me tell you, trying to escape a tall building, with a large fire below you, is not cool (figuratively and literally). Finally, we are blessed with a fascist condo association which hammers us with ludicrous rules, covering everything you can imagine.

I could go on, but you get the point… this is the worst place in the world. Anyway, there is one thing that makes all of the suffering worthwhile. My condo is perfect for blowing large bubbles and floating them out of the window, where they begin a journey of awesomeness, 90 feet in the air above the streets of Wilmington.

Why is this Hobby Awesome?

1. They’re bubbles. Anyone who is worth a crap, deep down, loves bubbles.

2. There’s a chance they will fly close to the ground and mess with people’s heads. There’s nothing cooler than seeing some passerby suddenly gasp and duck when a foot-wide bubble suddenly screams down out of the sky, right at his noggin. Or hearing someone from the window of a car scream, “OMG! Look! A bubble!”, when your little creation is cruising down the highway next to them. You may be unemployed, pushing 40, and the proud owner of a miserable property that isn’t worth diddly-poo, but when you have bubble solution with a drop of glycerin added, and 90 feet of empty air between you and the ground… you’re a Puppet Master!

3. If properly made and with the right conditions, those bubbles fly really, really well. It can be very interesting to watch. I have seen bubbles serenely floating around for over 5 minutes. I’ve seen them fly for half a mile. I’ve seen them fly at 50 mph. Once they get away from the wall of the building, with no ground nearby to shorten their lifespan, bubbles take on a whole new dimension.

Why wouldn’t I want to tell anyone that I do this?

1. They’re bubbles, and you’re probably an adult. You will get laughed at.

2. Cats really, really like bubbles too. Ordinarily, this is fine, but in a high-rise residential building you get some owners who like to leave their windows open with cats running loose. Sometimes, you’ll see little furry paws and cat heads poking out of those windows, trying to bat/look at the bubbles. Eventually, one of those cats will fall 11 stories onto a concrete sidewalk and you will want deniability.

Or, if you live in a neighborhood like mine, a lot of the passers-by are psychotic and fly into a homicidal rage when hit or bothered by a massive bubble. Point being, if anything untoward happens, you just want to be able to duck your head back inside and close the window without worrying about repercussions.

3. Whether office or residential, tall structures seem to attract rule Nazis in the same way that they attract lightning. Maybe there isn’t a specific rule against blowing bubbles, but you can bet that such people will find some way to give you crap.

Although that might not be all bad, because as I know from being caught in countless ridiculous situations, it is impossible for someone to give you crap about something like this without sounding like a mental patient. For example, I think I’ll eventually get a written warning on official letterhead, telling me to cease and desist blowing bubbles, and that will be hilarious. I’ll get it framed.

Wow! Blowing Large Bubbles out of High-Rise Buildings Sounds Awesome! How do I do it?

First, you need the following equipment:

Generic bubble mixture that you can buy from any drugstore. It’s better than anything you’ll mix at home. ($ 0.99)
Some glycerin, also from the drugstore in the suppository section. ($8.00, but you’ll get enough to last forever)
Crappy high-rise condo ($73,000.00)

You can substitute a high-rise office for the crappy condo if you can find one with windows that open. I’d recommend it.

Once you get your gear, add several of drops of glycerin to the bubble solution. Bubbles burst because the water in the solution, which helps form the surface, evaporates. Glycerin will slow this process down. As a note, this also means that bubbles last longer in cool, wet, overcast conditions.

Finally, launch when ready, Captain! Take your time and blow the bubbles at least 10cm (5 inches) in diameter. Small bubbles last longer and are more durable than large ones, but you will lose sight of them which makes the exercise pointless. Just as importantly, large bubbles, massive ones if possible, cause a great deal more shock and awe when they get noticed. Create the entire bubble inside the room, then blow it out through the window once it is in the air. If you don’t do this, the sharp winds next to the walls of a tall building will blow a lot of your bubbles to pieces while they are still stuck to the wand.

That’s all you need to know to begin blowing your own bubbles out of high-rise buildings. Now get out there and temporarily own the skies around your crappy home or office!