Babies are a wonderful gift, my son just turned 8 recently, but it seems like only yesterday that he was small enough to carry around like a football. Just watching him run around, always happy, totally care free does wonders for my soul. I have a hard time looking past the darker side of life, but every time I look at my little boy I feel that perhaps the world isn’t completely hopeless.

But then, I go out in public. When you are in a public exhibit (Florida Aquarium) please don’t leave your infant unattended in a stroller, while you wander around in amazement, staring at all the pretty fishes. KEEP AN EYE ON YOUR DAMN KID! I’m not sure where these particular tourists came from, but in America people steal your children and do bad things to them. Leaving your kid unattended in a stroller more than six inches from your fingertips is a NO, NO! Leaving your kid unattended in a stroller in a crowded public area full of strangers while you are fifty feet away and in no position what so ever to stop someone form walking away with your child is punishable by severe beating in conjunction with sterilization!

Do not leave your child in your car unattended! I live in the state of Florida. The inside of your car reaches inferno temperature in about 3 seconds. Don’t cook your children alive! Aside from be unimaginably cruel, it’s also really stupid!

Please don’t let your small children roam around near the street without watching them. This little miracle of modern science called a car can go very fast. This thing called a car will turn your toddler into road pizza. That’s bad!

Don’t turn your children loose in the mall, department stores, grocery stores, etc. The same bad people that hang out at the Aquarium might be here as well. If you don’t know where your child is right now, there’s a chance you never will again.

Don’t take your small child to the movies. I have a hard time sitting through two hours in a movie theater, there is a good chance that your three year old will get bored and disrupt everyone else. I know what some of you are saying right now. “If I don’t take them with me, I can never go out.” Guess what whiney! It’s called sacrifice. It’s something you should be prepared for when you decide to have children. When my son was younger I didn’t have a baby sitter and my family worked, and or traveled quite a bit. Guess what? I didn’t go to movies! I stayed home! It’s called sacrifice! Live with it, it’s a part of parenting. Rent a DVD!

This brings us to a topic I wasn’t originally going to add, but now feel it’s necessary. There are unacceptable reasons to have children, first on my list. “To save your relationship” This doesn’t work, introducing a baby into a dying relationship in order to make your spouse and or boyfriend stay with you, won’t work. Trapping someone in this manner does not make them happy, and therefore is not conducive to happy couples. Attempted entrapment is bad, not even the cops are allowed to pull this little trick!

Don’t have a baby because you feel lonely, and want something that will give you unconditional love. Buy a damn puppy! If you’re already screwed up enough to believe this will work, you don’t need to procreate.

Last but not least, children should not be brought into this world in order to increase your welfare check! If you can’t afford to feed and or care for the kids you already have, get a damn job! It’s not that hard, there are government agencies that will help you.