When the going gets tough = Your friends get going

Where there is a will = You get a dollar

If you read the fine print = You won’t sign anything

Where there’s smoke = It’s hard to breath

Time flies = But bills come faster

It’s a small world = Until your car breaks down

This too shall pass = Except bad luck and bills

When life hands you a lemon = Let them repossess it

Don’t ask for whom the bell tolls = It’s the phone – a collector

What is 1 and 1 ? = Looks like eleven to me

Is the cup half-full or half empty = It depends if you are filling it up or pouring it out

When you come to a fork in the road = Pick it up and look for a knife and spoon to go with it

She has inner beauty = Not so hot on the outside

When they say “up to” = Can be anything below the “up to”

Body Wash = Soap

Rise and shine = Your shoes?

One thing I’ve learned = That’s about all too

I’ll think about it tomorrow = Tomorrow never comes

Hard work never hurt anyone = Ever hear of concentration camps?

When you wish upon a star = You’re getting desperate

Crime doesn’t pay = Unless you are a politician

Time will tell = The snitch!

Garbage in = E-mail out.

Every dog has his day = I wish I did.

Money is the root of all evil = No, the love of it is.

Once I thought I was wrong = I was right.

Look before you leap = He who hesitates is lost.

No fool like an old fool = who, me?

Tomorrow is another day = No- It is always today. Tomorrow is always a day away.

The end of the world is nigh = Who cares? The world ends for me when I die.

A fool and his money are soon parted = I wonder why I’m broke.

You can’t teach an old dog new tricks = Why not? You can teach an old dog old tricks.

Everything I expected never happened = Everything that happened – I never expected.

What time is it? = The time is now – It always is.

If you don’t know, they think you are a fool = If you are a fool you think you know everything.

It is said-live and learn = Why do I keep making mistakes?

Marriage = The first step to divorce