Car Phones: Friend or Foe?

The other day I was sitting in my car at a traffic light, minding my own business, listening to a J.J. Jackson tune on the radio, when I noticed the guy in the RX-7 next to me was talking on his car phone. I looked across the intersection and there, in a silver Lexus, was some guy talking on his car phone.

Forget that it’s illegal in this state to talk on car phones wile driving. Forget that these guys were driving better cars than me. What I want to know is, who are these self important people who think their lives are marked by having such great significance, or consequence, in that they can’t wait until they get back to the office to retrieve their phone message about the plumber not being able to make it until tomorrow because he is up to his armpits in an emergency?

I had to discover, for myself, what made these hand held symbols of the successful entrepreneurs so desirable. In other words, I wanted to look as cool as the guy next to me.

I shopped around to find the best deal on a car phone.

(Note: Those of the trillion of us who do not own one will be glad to know that you can possess this highly influential status symbol, if you can afford any combination of two body limbs.)

I told the salesman I was looking for the best budgeted piece of equipment he had. He said, “You mean, the cheapest.” How could I argue with a guy that was this incredibly perceptive?

The salesman, Chaz, told me the least expensive car phone, called the Alcoa and String Model, was not much less than the next higher priced model, The Junior Executive. The Junior Executive sounded like it was for a real up-and-comer, and even though, most of the time, I’m a down-and-outer, I decided to go with it.

Chaz then told me that I would probably want call waiting just in case that all important call came in from my Hollywood agent telling me that he got me a staff writing job on Sunrise Sermonette. I said, “Okay.” Then, he suggested I needed caller ID, just in case I wanted to make sure it was that all important call from Hollywood. Chaz then tried pushing a car phone answering machine on me, just in case that Hollywood call came in while I was using the men’s room at the Texaco.