The world is full of people trying to sell us things we do not want and certainly do not need! We’ve all been there, after a hard day at work when we are just settling down with a glass of wine and our favourite take-away meal – the phone rings and it is an over friendly stranger who speaks to you as if they have known you for years.

They may or may not get your name correct – at best they mispronounce it or at worst, they ask for someone who used to live at your address 5 years ago. It is so irritating that over the years, I have mastered a range of creative ways in which to confuse, annoy or waste their time in equal fashion!

So next time you have to turn the volume down on the television and answer the phone to one of these annoying sales people, try adopting one of the following tactics when you realise it is someone trying to sell you something:

1. Just keep saying “Hello?”, “Hello?”, “is anybody there…hello?” This really frustrates them as they can see there is no way to begin their potentially lucrative sales call!
2. Tell them that you are going to pass them over to the person they are asking for and then place the receiver next to the television, turn it up and continue to eat your dinner. On the odd occasion, you may return to the call sometime later and still find them waiting! If this is the case, say “What Pizza would you like to order?”
3. Listen to everything they have to say, sound really interested and then ask them if they will still give credit/sell their product to you even though you are recently bankrupt. Suddenly they will not be very interested!
4. Tell them that you only answered the phone because you are currently in the process of robbing the house and ask if they would like you to leave a message for the owners who are on holiday at the moment!
5. Ask them if they can call back later because you are in the middle of dressing up in your wife’s clothes and time is very tight as she has only popped out for an hour to see her father

Some people might think why don’t I just say a polite “no thanks, I”m not interested’ but I found I got bored with this approach and instead I prefer to think of more creative ways to deal with unwanted calls.

I got the inspiration from my 70 year old father who once told me that after spending quite some time on the phone to a guy who was trying to persuade him to have a conservatory built, that he listened intently and got to the point where the sales guy was booking an appointment to come and “measure up”. My father then said “I am so happy, I have always wanted a conservatory but have never found a company able to fit one to my third floor apartment!” Since my dad has retired – he doesn’t dread these types of calls because he finds them entertaining and in fact, they keep him sharp and creative as he thinks up more and more responses!