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Five Great Ways to Stay Cool This Summer: A Comical Approach

Published by plaid laddie in Life
July 10th, 2008

It’s hot this summer and for those of us without air conditioning, we need ways to stay cool. If you’re one of them, then read on.

Now that summer is in full swing, many of us are desperately making the attempt to stay cool. For those of us that don’t have air conditioning, (I being one of them), we look each day to cool down but sometimes without great success. But have no fear, for I have five surefire ways to stay cool this summer, regardless of where you live.

  1. Swimming Pools

    I know this sounds kind of obvious, but what if you don’t have your own pool? If you’re fortunate enough to live by those who do, then you’re in luck. All you have to do is find out what their work schedule is each day; when they leave and when they come back. (Neighbors with high fences around their pools are best). After they go to work, just simply take your towel, sunscreen and whatever amenities you’ll need and have fun. It may be a good idea to take along an alarm clock with you so you don’t overstay your welcome.

  2. Freezers

    This may sound a bit ridiculous, but it works. All you need to do is stand in front of your freezer, and open it and keep it open for at least thirty seconds. Then shut the door, wait about fifteen seconds and then repeat. Make sure that you don’t leave it open too long or your frozen peas and ice cream will melt.

  3. Bathtub of Ice

    This one is not for the faint of heart, or any part of your body for that matter. This is only to be used in extreme conditions, so beware. Take a trip to your local grocery store and buy somewhere between four and five eight pound bags of ice. Then go home, and dump it in the tub. Wait a few minutes for it to settle and then slowly, very slowly, lower yourself into it. How long you lie there is up to you. But beware that frostbite may set in and frostbite doesn’t cool you off.

  4. Go to Alaska

    They say Alaska is the last great frontier and I agree. Not only does it have beautiful scenery, but it’s a great place to stay cool. Use this option when you want to stay cool for a very, very long time, or if you were discovered in your neighbor’s pool and need to get out of town for awhile. Simply contact your local travel agency, and purchase a one way ticket. Make all the necessary arrangements, such as hotel accommodations and the like and then you’re off. Need to get back in time for your parent’s anniversary? Simply buy a return ticket, but leave the parka on the plane.

  5. Take your Neighbor’s Air Conditioner

    This one is not recommended unless you have a neighbor that wouldn’t notice if you drained the water from his pool. The window units are best for this option. The house units are too cumbersome and heavy and most don’t know how to hook everything up. These are simple. Just remove it, place it in the window of your choice, plug it in and relax.

Disclaimer: The above options are not meant to be taken seriously, with the exception of the freezer and going to Alaska. The swimming pool option may lead to trespassing charges and the air conditioner option may lead to theft and trespassing charges. And finally the bathtub of ice option may lead to certain health complications, so exercise caution. These are a comical take on how to stay cool. But going to Alaska may not be such a bad idea this time of year.

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