Men and women have a different way of behaving, especially in public restrooms. We all know, or at least assume, that women go into the restroom together to do makeup and talk… but what happens in the men’s room? Here are some things I have observed:

• Conversation stops at the door! Occasionally, a conversation will continue until standing at the urinals, but that is a rare occurrence
• Urinals have an automatic “Code of Conduct” when the men using them are not directly related. If someone is at one urinal and there are more than two available, you do NOT choose the urinal next to the one being used. That is too forward and uncomfortable.
• If two urinals are being used and there is one open between the two, chances are one will try a regular toilet in a stall before going to that urinal
• Only 30% wash their hands after using the facilities. Some are not even embarrassed to walk past all other men washing their hands.
• Talking on the cell phone is allowed.
  • I once was in the Denver Airport and heard a man in a stall “ripping” some huge amounts of gas while on the cell phone for business with a colleague
  • Many crane their necks to hold their cell phone to continue their conversation while emptying their bladder at the urinal. (I always want to see the phone slip and fall into the urinal…)
• I do not know why women complain about men not putting the seat down – I just want men to put the seat up! All too often when I need to use the toilet, I pass from stall to stall looking for a toilet seat without urine on it. The urge to go passes quickly.
• Graffiti is a ritual of an ancient form of communication – before cell phones – called writing. Messages are scratched all over the stalls as if to communicate something profound. I am still waiting for a message with enlightenment.
• Men are like dogs. No need to aim for the urinal or the toilet – just mark your territory for all to know.
• McDonald’s in Evanston, Wyoming now has a plasma screen TV right in front of the urinals. How long do they think we are standing there? Maybe it is there for convenience so that we do not miss a play of the game… after all, the game is that important. Funny how there is not plasma in front of the sink. Apparently they understood that we do not wash our hands anyway.
• There are some urinals with fake houseflies imprinted on them. Manufacturers have found that restrooms stay cleaner when men have something to aim for.

And you thought the ladies room was difficult…