Confucius he say ” Man who wash up every night and miss once he bad man, man who never wash up but do it one night he Angel” these were the wise words of the famous Chinese philosopher written in 521 BC. What Confucius understood my brothers is the need for us to get our women to expect less of us, this is the crux of good dodging, the art of dodging was taught to me by my late father who was a Grand Master Black Belt 12th Dan in Lazyfatfu the Japanese work dodging Martial Art.

To be a truly great work dodger you have to make your partner truly believe that you intend to do the job but are unable to do so  because of circumstances that are beyond your control, for example when your partner is out of the room check the next days weather on your PC or TV, when the forecast is for heavy rain remark later in the evening ” I really must get out in the Garden tomorrow to mow the lawn / fix fence etc ” of course when the next day comes and its pouring with rain you act disappointed that you haven’t been able to perform your chores.

Developing a Phobia is a great way to get out of household chores Hydrophobia (the fear of water) is an excellent excuse for not washing up however its then a bit difficult to explain how you have a bath so for this one its better to get yourself an allergy to washing up liquid.

Always concentrate on the chores you don’t mind doing, for instance if you enjoy cooking do the cooking all the time , that way when your partner accuses you of never getting off your fat backside , feign being really hurt by their comments and question why you HAVE to do all of the cooking.

If you have a friend who is a dodger too its easy to work in pairs, arrange with your dodging buddy for him to visit you at a certain time the next day and even better bring their partner too, at around ten minutes before your pal is due to arrive get your tool box out of the shed and make a start on fixing those kitchen cupboards of course before you  can get your screwdriver out of your box your pal arrives and voila its only polite to stop working and get the beers out for your guests. Even a family pet can be trained to be a stooge by the successful dodger, secretly from when he was a puppy i trained my dog STUMPY to come to me carrying his lead in his mouth but only when i sneeze, this way when cornered i just fake sneeze and good old Stumpy comes up to me with his puppy dog eyes begging for a walk and once again job dodged.

Fake illness is a surefire way of getting out of work but must only be used occasionally, as mentioned previously phobias and allergies are good but i have used bad back, toothache, earache , stomachache , a terrible case of diarrhoea can easily be faked by keeping a jug in the bathroom and pouring water down the toilet from a height, remember though when faking illness you must only be poorly enough to get out of work but must be well enough to watch the football.

Remember guys dodging is an art form, it is a skill that has to be learned and practised over many years, the difference between success and failure can be subtle, i once made the basic error of buying my girlfriend a sander and workbench for Christmas, she wasn’t pleased to say the least, subtlety is the key, make them believe you really want to work and your half way their to being a dodging jedi, good luck brothers.