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How to Know When You’re Getting Old
Published by Anne Lyken Garner in Life
October 8th, 2008
Many of us want to stave off getting old for as long as we possibly can. Even if we still look young on the outside, there are tell-tale signs the body insists on doing without our consent, when we get to that dreaded ‘certain age.’ If you answer b to most or all of the following, you are well on your way to getting old.
You experience flatulence:
- (a) 1 – 6 times a day, but I manage to keep them well hidden and pretend it’s someone else.
- (b) 7 – 14 times a day, they just pop out when I laugh, sneeze, or bend over.
- (c) 15 – 20 times a day and I don’t care who’s around.
Pain
- (a) I am not in any pain, the alcohol hasn’t worn off yet.
- (b) I have a pain that moves around in different places on my body every day.
- (c) I can predict the weather from my pains.
Sight
- (a) I have 20/20 vision, but I don’t read much.
- (b) I’d have 20/20 vision if I squint hard enough.
- (c) Visions? When? Who had them? Stay away from the light! They only want you dead so they can spend your cash.
Music
- (a) My music is not loud, it’s just different.
- (b) Most young people play their music too loudly.
- (c) Most people play their music too quietly.
Driving
- (a) I’ll be there in an hour.
- (b) Two hours, depending on traffic. I should get there in time for a cup of tea before we start.
- (c) Where is it I’m meant to be going?
Crushes
- (a) Oh, I’ve got such a big crush on him.
- (b) Crushes are overrated.
- (c) I don’t crush the pills, I just take them whole, with water.
Memory
- (a) I can’t remember how much I paid for it. Doesn’t really matter, it looks good on me.
- (b) I paid £6. 79 for it. I got 20% knocked off in the sale.
- (c) When I was 10 years old, it cost £ 3.95. They don’t make them like that anymore.
By the way, if you’ve picked c in any of these, you’re not getting old, you’ve already arrived. In that case, welcome oldie, and watch that bucket, you don’t want to trip over it on your way in!
31
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You light up my day with this one…
I love the touch of humour you add to the entire article, makes is so much fun. You make the signs of getting old something to look forward to.
Enjoyable reading and the pictures added to the humour. I am afraid I can almost identify with a couple of the “C” answers….I said almost!
Enjoyable article with nice info.
Funny? Yes – but oh so true!
mmmmmmm….. ok I am heading that way, thanks for reminding me, good fun article. The sad part is you will see another comment from me in a few months time saying the same thing
))))
Fun and whimsical write. I might be in denial for a little bit.
I resemble thoses remarks! Here’s another: “I’m still hot, it just comes in flashes now.”
I love your presentation and picture choices. The cow and truck are my fav’s. I am in transition from (a) to (b) and i already feel old. What really makes me feel old {at 27; mind you}is computer technology….lauren recently explained to me what a widget is- LOL!
Funny article, a great read though it may hurt a bit to acknowledge the truth.
I hate it but I like it or vice versa.
lol… cute.
addt’l point: i know when i get old if i get less active… relaxed and passive… because right now, i’m in the go-go-go attitude.
Anne, I admit it. I am old but none of this applies to me. I act and do pretty much like I always have. Don’t let me say too much though. I still might get there. I enjoyed reading this fun article.
Very good article Anne. Might not be that old after all.
OMG I LOVED THIS!!!! I’ll be laughing for days every time I think about it!
I love the grocery list picture.
Loved it!! Were you listening to me regarding the sight, driving, and…I forgot the last one.
At 56, I don’t care what a widget is. All I want to know is how do you ‘cut and paste’ without scissors and glue?!
Awesome piece! Very creative, well written and thought out. Good read…
I love this,it put a mile on my face.I am not a c yet…….lol
Great stuff! I think by my reckoning I am 256!
Good article,old age is inevitable.a must assume.
very amusing, great use of pictures
Very funny Aricle. Great the way you used the pitures. Me? Probably
a B and a half.Oh heck, did I say that out loud?
How funny!
I loved all the pictures:)
I loved it.. The pictures as well and I must admit a few of them I did answer c so I guess I am getting older then I thought…lol..
Thanks for the laugh.
grocery list image is my fave.
-thestickman
Excellent Article
Picture or no picture, this is a much more entertaining test than many I’ve taken online. It sounds more accurate too. Thank you, Anne!
Article is real coollll