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How to Sell Your Soul in Ten Easy Steps
Tired? Feeling like life has got the best of you? Sell your soul and feel like a million bucks.
Selling your soul successfully takes considerable time and effort these days. Long gone are the times when you could lean back, face the heavens and shout: “I’d sell my soul for a decent cup-o-joe”, and poof, there in front of you was one helluva cup of coffee.
In today’s busy market the horny headed one has too many needy applicants. If you want to make your offer stand out, the devil is in the details. Here are some tips:
- Presentation: don’t shout it out for all to hear: use your quiet inner voice – he’ll hear you.
- Value: don’t sell yourself short. If your going to give your soul up for all eternity, it should be for more than a Ferrari or that pair of pumps in the shiny shoe store’s window.
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- Extras: even the old evil one likes a bargain. Tell him you’ll toss in scruffy uncle Joe or mouthy aunt Edna to sweeten the pot. Just make sure to get Joe or Edna smashed, drunker than a skunk, before making ‘the call’.
- Shine: make your offer a deal he can’t refuse. When you call, do so with confidence and a “You need me more than I need you” attitude.
- Impress: first impressions are important, so don’t appear over eager. Be well groomed and wear fresh underwear.
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- Time 1: don’t waste his, or it’ll cost you. Make sure you’ve got all your ducks lined up in row before the call.
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- Time 2: place your call strategically. Don’t call in the fourth quarter of the Super Bowl or during a cute puppy commercial: wait for a rerun of ‘Who Wants to be a Millionaire’.
Image via Wikipedia
- Place: where you call from can make or break the deal. Churches are frowned upon, cemeteries are quaint.
- Age: if you’re an old fart without much clout in the world, don’t get your hopes up. To increase the value be willing to get to work right away.
- Commitment: don’t make the call if you can’t commit. He loves wishy-washy people, they’re pushovers: so be ready to close the deal.
One last thought: read the fine print, he can be a tricky little devil.
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19 Comments
Funny article, enjoyed it!
Thanks for the tips Clay. Am off to the crossroads right now.
Spoken as a man with much experience in the matter.. very funny Clay..loved it!
AC
LOL, You had me laughing all the way through your article. Gotta have Clay to brighten up Triond.
This was good for a laugh or two. I took notes.
Hilarious.
I am truly laughing out loud. Great article very well written and very creatve Clay
where`s the fine print? can`t find it..
Very funny and clever!
ha ha nothing is worth his company
Lol, nice
This is funny!
Impress! Nice thought about it! Ha! Ha!
Can’t give it away these days!!! really good write!
so…what if the deal has been sealed? Can you write one about re negotiating
Very funny nice job
Absolutely hilarious and very clever. The more I read your work the more I enjoy it! You’re a very unique talent.
Clever indeed, much enjoyed. Don’t sell yourself short of course!
smart smart i think you have wrote the guide to us all good job
And not too many people at once either, we don’t want to depress the soul economy
The cute puppy commercial bit was absolute genius.
—Vertjaars