1. Brush Your Teeth – You don’t want yellow teeth do you? It’s unattractive and it’s straight up gross. Brush your teeth people! It takes 5 minutes out of your day total and it saves you a lot of money you would be spending at the dentist’s office.
2. Take a Shower – If you don’t do this then I think you’re disgusting. Wash yourself now! If you don’t shower you will smell and look unappealing. Nobody is going to hire you if you don’t shower. That’s a fact.
3. Clip your nails – Unless you want to join that creepy woman on Ripley’s believe it or not and have 7 foot long nails, then go ahead and clip yours. If nobody is forcing you to clip your nails, then you have no friends. Any friend will let you know your nails are too long and tell you to cut it. If your friend’s didn’t tell you that then go ahead and chop their heads off.
4. Find a Mate - A mate tells you when you smell, when you’re dirty, when your clothes aren’t straight, and points out everything wrong with you. By having a mate, your flaws will come to awareness and you will be able to fix them.
5. Daily Pooping Time - If you don’t poop on a daily basis, then that’s called constipation. Constipation can put people through long, hard times in the toilet seat. You want to get all your waste out of your system to maintain good health. If you’re having trouble with that, my suggestions are: eat cereal rich in fiber for breakfast, take 2 fiber supplements a day, and keep yourself hydrated.

If you are doing only 1 out of these, then you’re filthy. If you’re doing 4 of these, then you’re still filthy, but not as filthy as only doing one, of course. By doing all these 5 you will become so happy you will want to call your mother so she can congratulate you on being a good clean son / daughter. Stay clean!