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How to Treat People Like a Car
Do you ever not know whether to keep a relationship going with an afternoon at the beach or a dinner? Follow this relationship chart for instant results!
Rejoice, gearheads who are more sure about brake checks than casual emails! Follow this chart for all your friends and become instantly popular!
Notice: If high “maintenance”, double the frequency of everything.
Other notice: If overweight or dieting, skip the ones that involve food.
Final notice: If paranoid, skip the practical jokes.
Here we go!
Every five minutes
- Text
Every half hour
- Chat on facebook/myspace/whatever them crazy kids are doing nowadays
Every 2-3 hours
- If you work with them or are able to go and see them quickly, do it
- If you don’t, think of something funny to say when you see them again
Every day
- Hang out
- Phone
Every 2-3 days
- Lunch
- Small favor
- Small practical joke
Every week
- Have a minor fight that later you realize was pointless and laugh about it
- Check relationship.
- Mad crazy Clubbin’
Every month
- Small trip
- More mad crazy Clubbin’
Every six months
- Gift
- Elaborate practical joke
Every year
- Vacation
Every seven years
- Take a sabbatical with them
Every 150 years
- Identity theft
- Robbery
Now THAT is a devoted friend
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2 Comments
Nice maintenance schedule!
I have to admit I am terribly behind schedule with most of my friends.
But this is a very demanding chart.