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How to Wake Up
Many people find it hard getting up in the morning. This is a brief list to work through to make sure your arising is safe and secure and that everything is done in the right order.
- Wake up.
- Check that all body parts are intact.
- Attempt to pull some of the covers off your person.
- Gently roll over towards the side of the bed.
- Do not fall off.
- Reach down with your hand and make sure the floor is still there.
- If unsure, try again in ten minutes.
- If sure, roll back onto the middle of the bed and rest for twenty seconds.
- Pull back the covers.
- Turn your feet and legs towards the side of the bed.
- Do not attempt to sit up at this point.
- Rest for twenty seconds.
- Slide slowly towards the side of the bed.
- Make sure you have something secure to hold onto as the next stage is fraught with peril.
- Quietly allow your feet, and then your legs, to slide over the edge of the bed.
- Attempt to touch the floor with your feet.
- Rest for twenty seconds.
- Take hold of the secure something and pull yourself up.
- If this causes undue strain, rest for thirty seconds.
- Pull your upper body up.
- Let your feet sit steadily on the floor.
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At this point, your feet are on the floor, your knees are bent, your upper body is upright, and it is possible your eyes may be open.
If not, open your eyes. -
Make sure you are actually in your own bedroom, and that aliens have not abducted you.
If aliens have abducted you, reverse the recent moves, lie down, pull up the covers and close your eyes.
Pretend to be asleep. -
If you are sure you have not been abducted, and your bedroom is the same as it was yesterday, attempt to stand.
Do not do this in a rush. People have been known to fall over at this point. - If you have achieved lift off, and you are standing upright, turn towards the door of the bedroom.
- Ensure that you do not trip over any carelessly strewn clothes, especially shoes.
- Having achieved success up to this point, you do not want to bring disaster on yourself in the final stages.
- If the floor is clear, and the door is still in the same place as last night, walk slowly towards it, open it, walk through it, go to the bathroom, and begin the next stage of the waking up process.
- One final warning: Do not attempt to walk through the door while it is still closed.
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4 Comments
That was a hoot! I must remember that good advice.
This was a fun read. I hope it isn’t all derived from personal experience.
No, I just imagined it….!
Another tip: if you hear your own name listed on the funeral announcements on the radio, you get to stay in bed.