I believe that people who wear spandex bike pants or any other type of spandex shorts should be required to wear underpants.

I believe that women who wear a size eighteen or larger should be required by law to wear a bra in public.

I believe that if your kid is throwing an uncontrollable screaming fit inside a store, and you are unable or unwilling to do something, the store has the right to hose the kid off with ice water.

I believe that if you really want to keep your house safe from burglars tell the local busybody when you will be on vacation. It is the best alarm you will ever have.

I believe that you cannot force your children to eat any vegetable that you yourself are not willing to consume.

I believe store clerks have the right to “accidentally” trip obnoxious kids running around their store with those roller-skate shoes knocking people over.

I believe that panhandling should be illegal around playgrounds.

I believe that women dropping off their children at school in rollers and housecoats should be forced to escort their children into the building.

I believe that people who use pliers to zip up their pants should get with reality and buy a size that fits.

I believe that if you drive by riding your brake than you should stop driving and start walking. It would be faster.

I believe that there should be a toddlers only section of a movie theater surrounded by noise proof glass. They could still watch and see the movie, but the rest of us would not have to listen to them.

I believe that any leader of any nation who readies his country for war should be required to be on the front line in the first wave of an attack.

I believe that teachers should have their salaries switched with actors and actresses.

I believe in the kindness of people, and that when it comes down to doing the right thing in a do or die situation that most of us will.

And before I forget…

I believe that when you put on a bikini (man or woman), and your stomach hangs over it so much that you appear naked, put on something else.