I’m not Fine, Thank You

I think it is time we stopped using the question: “How are you?” as the standard greeting in our society. I’m never quite sure when to take it as a legitimate query as to my physical, emotional, or spiritual well being at the moment, and when to politely parrot some form of the standard response: “Fine, thank you! And yourself?”

My usual social faux pas is to misinterpret a rhetorical question as an invitation to pour out a current litany of the woes and the hardships of my life. I generally catch on to my mistake when I see the glassy-eyed, “how do I get out of this?” expression on the face of the one who expected only a polite “meet, greet, and move on” conversation.

I don’t make the opposite faux pas quite as often, as I tend to perceive every conversation as an opportunity to rant and rave about my life (what could be more fascinating?) But every now and then I encounter a friend who will stop to ask how I am, and if I answer “Fine, thanks – and you?” I see a quizzical expression form. (I do have a few legitimate woes and hardships, after all – having Parkinson’s disease is a bit of a bother.) The next question is usually: “So… you’re doing better now?” Of course not! It’s a nasty progressive disease, and I haven’t been physically “fine” for at least ten years now! (See how I take every opportunity to rant?”)

So here are a few alternate responses to the question: “How are you?”

• I’m functioning within the parameters I’ve come to accept as normal, thank you.
  • OK – so I borrowed part of this one from Star Trek, but the rest is original
• Except for the constant pain and inability to do much of anything, I’m fine, thank you.
  • A direct invitation to a pity party – works well when I’m in the mood to whine and complain
• I’m here.
  • This response works well in greet and pass situations – where only a casual greeting was offered, so the other person likely will not even notice that you didn’t say – fine, thanks!
• I’m out of bed, dressed, and here.
  • For greetings slightly more in-depth than greet and pass

So my friends – always remember and never forget: most of the times that we say “Fine, thanks – and yourself?” we are really lying through our teeth. Maybe we could start greeting each other with a little bow, like the Japanese do. Got any ideas?

Love,

Mommy Bear