I can assure you that as I write this my boyfriend is sleeping happily in bed, not knowing that tomorrow will be a day of pure mood swings and running to the store for strange, but usual cravings. I’m sure he will be thrilled to see the tampax box opened in the bathroom, for he knows what festivities lie ahead on this oh so eventful part of the month. When he sees that pained look on my face, surely he will understand that the next five to seven days will be according to him, “the worst days of the month.” He has no idea that tomorrow’s rampages will be “focused” on cleaning. (his favorite topic)

The child, also known as Ericka, is smart enough to ear mark these days for which she has several activities so as not to be around for the fun events coming soon to a theater near you. She, unlike he, is the smarter of the two. But, little does she know that I have plotted out her daily fun for the next few days. She will learn to hate me, as every child hates their “evil step-mother” (insert evil, maniacal laughter here).

My pets have come to know when this fun part of the month is coming, because I promise either the pound or the vet on almost a daily basis. My dog, Berry, still thinks his name is “damn it.” The cats run in fear, and only come out when they “think” I’m not home. Oh what silly cats. I’m just lying in wait for them!

Well, I must away. I have several “jobs” to plan out, and I feel another cramp coming on. Just be happy in knowing that you don’t live with me!