Why Latinos Can’t Be Terrorists

1. 8:45 am is too early for us to be up.
2. We are always late, we would have missed all 4 flights.
3. Pretty people on the plane distract us.
4. We would talk loudly and bring attention to ourselves.
5. With food and drinks on the plane, we would forget why we’re there.
6. We talk with our hands, therefore we would have to put our weapons down.
7. We would ALL want to fly the plane.
8. We would argue and start a fight in the plane.
9. We can’t keep a secret, we would have told everyone a week before
10. We would have put our country’s flag on the windshield.

Are You a Latino? How Can You Tell For Sure?

1. If you have ever been hit by a “Chancleta.”
2. If you grew up scared by something called “El Cuco”
3. If others tell you to stop screaming when you are really just talking.
4. If you light a candle to the Virgin Mary on the night before your big test
5. If you use your lips to point something out.
6. If you constantly refer to cereal as “con fleys”.
7. If your mother yells at the top of her lungs to call you for dinner, even if it’s a one bedroom apartment.
8. If you can dance merengue, cumbia, or salsa without music.
9. If you use “margarina” instead of olive oil and can’t figure out why your butt is getting bigger.
10. If you have at least thirty cousins, not including loco Julio working at “McDonalds”.
11. If you are in a five passenger car with seven people in it and someone is shouting “subanse, todavia caben!”
12. If whenever you feel under the weather, you compulsively dab on some “vapor rub” all over your chest and inside your nostrils.
13. Your mom packs your “lonchera” every day even though you’ve just turned thirty-two.
14. If you call the North Americans “gringos”, including Canadians, and call all Asian people “chinos” or “chinitos”. AND you call the corner store “the chinito store”
15. If your favorite heroes were “El Chapulin Colorado” or “Cantinflas”.

If you don’t need any explanations, you know you are truly a Latino.