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My Ass

Published by colette234 in Life
August 25, 2009

A funny, but totally harmless description of you know what.

My Ass…

  1. Takes all the credit while I do all the work
  2. Is the last one to enter a party, but the first one asked to leave.
  3. Can never tell a lie.
  4. Frowns more and more with each passing year.
  5. Grows exponentially according to how many McFlurry’s I consume.
  6. Has a PH.D in clinical psychology.
  7. Doubles as a diving board for small animals during camping trips.
  8. Friended Mount Olympus on Facebook last New Year’s Eve.
  9. Cannot afford double ply.
  10. Was listed as most likely to succeed in your high school year book.
  11. Won a Nobel peace prize for its environmentally sound business practices.
  12. Gets lonely on Spring Break.
  13. Does not understand my modesty.
  14. And wants to become a nudist.
  15. Becomes radioactive after visting Taco Bell.
  16. Helps motivate me to succeed.
  17. Always gets me hired or fired, but never helps pay the rent.
  18. Should be recommended by Oprah’s book club.
  19. Was also voted best dressed in your high school year book.
  20. Was involved in a turf war and got tagged with graffiti.
  21. Did the Chicken Dance at your wedding.
  22. Refuses to plan for the future.
  23. Never says “I’m Sorry”
  24. Has commitment issues
  25. Yet becomes emotionally attached to soft objects.
  26. ….100.

My ass is also embarrassed that I wrote this list and exposed it for the world to see (Sorry you should have bought a squirrel :) Hope you had as much fun reading this as I did writing it.

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22 Comments

  1. AngelaDavid
    Posted August 25, 2009 at 4:47 am

    LOL!! # 15 is the bomb!! Totally!!!! LOL I like it!

  2. Atikin
    Posted August 25, 2009 at 5:22 am

    This is funny and number 15 is probably the funniest and I do like the yearbook one two… :D

  3. thestickman
    Posted August 25, 2009 at 7:10 am

    funny! :-D

  4. Uma Shankari
    Posted August 25, 2009 at 12:38 pm

    Hilarious.

  5. cutedrishti8
    Posted August 25, 2009 at 1:29 pm

    very funny…

  6. JLEck
    Posted August 25, 2009 at 1:54 pm

    always talkin’ sh*#!

  7. cebuanaeyez
    Posted August 25, 2009 at 2:32 pm

    12.Gets lonely on Spring Break…yeah right :-) Very funny article!
    .

  8. Collette Edwards
    Posted August 25, 2009 at 5:24 pm

    made me smile, very good, thanks for sharing :)

  9. Milton H Peebles III
    Posted August 25, 2009 at 6:08 pm

    LOL ~ enjoyed this muches.
    Take Care,DreamSweet and Let Your Heart Shine
    ~ milty

  10. Lucky120
    Posted August 25, 2009 at 6:43 pm

    haha that is funny.

  11. FOREVER POETRY
    Posted August 25, 2009 at 11:18 pm

    funny

  12. tasha kazuki
    Posted August 26, 2009 at 12:24 am

    Good one! Made me laugh :)

  13. Jeffrey Wright
    Posted August 26, 2009 at 1:15 am

    Loved it! Very funny and has so many rings of truth to it!!! (-:

  14. colette234
    Posted August 26, 2009 at 1:35 am

    Thanks to all of you for commenting. I finally made it into the hot content section :)

  15. WriteEditSeek
    Posted August 26, 2009 at 2:09 am

    Funny and clever. :)

  16. Asnaz1
    Posted August 26, 2009 at 5:11 am

    loooool

  17. ace creative
    Posted August 26, 2009 at 10:48 am

    [B]IN[B]

  18. ace creative
    Posted August 26, 2009 at 10:51 am

    excellent stuff man!!! radioactive :D

    HEY EVERYBODY SEE THIS- ALL OUT IN THE OPEN: “THE FART”!!……..HERE’S THE LINK TO THE ARTICLE ON FARTS- http://authspot.com/poetry/farts/
    ITS VERY HILARIOUS, ACTS AS A SEQUEL TO THIS ARTICLE!!!

  19. Aktoastmaster
    Posted August 26, 2009 at 9:02 pm

    ha ha funny

  20. Abdella
    Posted August 26, 2009 at 10:28 pm

    LOL, a poem called ‘Your ass” is Hot content material?
    Nice work.

  21. Sarah Sullins
    Posted August 27, 2009 at 5:47 am

    When I saw the title, I couldn’t stop myself from clicking on it. LOL that was hilarious.

  22. fishfry aka Elizabeth Figueroa
    Posted August 31, 2009 at 11:05 pm

    There is nothing wrong with humor, I loved it.
    Fantastic

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