I can recall my first encounter with such marvels of life as the spider web, ant colony and the ever so vigilant beaver dam. These examples of how the “lower evolved creatures” make use of their limited intelligence instinctively always amazed me. However, as ingenious as natures second class citizens may appear, they are no match for the obviously superior homo-sapiens. Don’t get me wrong, spider webs and the like are magnificent examples of natures sense of self reliance, ingenuity, and engineering all rolled into one. However, these fantastic displays have not changed in thousands, even millions of years. They have not kept up with the times! Pity the foolish species that has been evolutionarily stagnant!

We humans mind you, wow! Internet, cell phones, plasma TV, and the morning after pill. Tummy tucks, tattooed eyebrows, & “clickers” to run everything without getting up from my chair. Brilliant! What won’t we think of?

I am always reminded of mankind’s’ resourcefulness at the change of every season. You see, this is when all the latest “Nature Manipulational Equipment” goes on display in every store. This fall the “Fossil Fuel Consuming, Foliage Disposal Machinery” catches my attention! You see, my house is surrounded on three sides by woods. Three hundred and forty five billion, six hundred ninety three million two hundred seventy six thousand four hundred and three leaves. And that is my first go “round. I battle this force every spare moment from Halloween to Christmas, then again after the spring thaw reveals the 90% I had missed. Boy do I need everything our worlds greatest minds can concoct!

All of these “Lifestyle Enhancing Discoveries” do come at a small price. I notice my waistline increasing exponentially as the years go by. My joints seem to creak, and click, and bending to tie my shoe isn”t the innocuous little event it used to be. Could it be all of our improvements have actually been a detriment to societies well being? Well, we’ve realized that too. Not much gets past this dominant group of progressive thinkers. We have all kinds of gyms, health clubs, support groups, and exercise gadgets available to us! Bow flex, ab lounge, gazelle, and my personal favorite, “The Bun & Thigh Master”, (Sounds like some kind Dominatrix to me!) Since we have cut down the time we spend earning a living we have ample opportunity to avail ourselves of these “Sedentary Lifestyle Compensational Technologies”.

Time is not the issue for me. My checkbook screams out to me, “Look at what you’re doing!” I spend thousands on equipment to make the “work” of life easier, than I need to spend thousands on equipment to repair the negative ramifications of “The Easy Life”! First I need to work extra jobs, to afford the equipment necessary to maintain the “ Easy Life”, and compensate for the “ Sedentary Lifestyle” Then I find I have no time to do anything but work, to make work easy, so I can work to prevent myself from dying from not working.

If I mowed my lawn with a $20.00 push mower, raked my leaves with a $5.00 rake for 1 hour a day, shoveled with a $10.00 hand shovel, I wouldn’t need the $2,500.00 treadmill, and the $2,000.00 home gym, or the weekly visits to the Chiropractor, and the physical rehab from the orthopedic surgery. After taking those expenses away, I could probably get by fine with one job. Does any one else see a contradiction here? Is this what they call the “Rat Race”? I think not, no self respecting rat would get caught in this insanity! We humans are pretty smart cookies, aren’t we? Poor, poor silly ants, and spiders, and beavers! They are no match for us!!!