I have been told by friends and relatives that they are amazed that I can remain cheerful and optimistic with all that life has thrown at me.  Divorces yes in the plural I am always on the lookout for a future ex mrs Stephens in the words of one of my favourite comedians.  In the future every ten years or so I will just buy a house and give it to some woman I hate save all the hassle inbetween.  I try to see the funny side of all that befalls me or otherwise I would have gone mad years ago.  My brother who has a quite dry wit will often remark if you did not have bad luck,you would not have any luck at all.

Well that about sums up my attitude so here is a list of small jokes or sayings that keep me sane.

Money can not buy happiness,tell you what give me the money and I will find out for myself.

My one year old child has got over the endless crying,vomiting and keeping us awake all night.  Just thinking about it reminds me of the wonders of contraception.

The thing I hate most about coke heads,they never give me any.

Anyway what is the fuss about coke I just can not see the attraction all those bubbles up your nose.

I am an agnostic dyslexic insomniac who stays awake all night thinking is there a dog.

There is a new way for the blind to read we call it broile pardon me I will just feel that again.

I can give you the answer to any question the only thing I can not give you is the intellectual capability to understand the answer.

You think more of your stomach than me,I think more of the goldfish than you.

You only do it to annoy me,there is a better reason

Why do you always leave the toilet seat up you know it annoys me,but you look so attractive in scarlet.

I have not spoken to my wife for six months well its rude to interrupt.

The way to a mans heart is usual straight through his chest. My ex wife insisted on that one.

Well thats me I hope they will give you a little chuckle.