We’ve all met the sort of person who should “get a life” but instead of working on that, this person devotes his or her time and energy instead to the goal of trying to stir up trouble and/or annoy other people.

Sly digs are made – about just about anything that might annoy you – and when not doing this, this person sometimes repeats real or imaginary remarks from third parties, solely to stir up trouble.

When in a supremely bold mood, he or she might try to cause trouble between two people by repeating something possibly contentious that one of them has said, but this is less usual.

What this sort of person NEVER does is go in for outright confrontation. He or she has a downright horror of raised voices and open hostility. Sniping is the Serious Saddo’s Speciality.

If you’re anything like me, then when this sort of person is about, you feel sorry for him or her. How can anyone be so hopeless? But somehow, he or she always manages to say something that rankles…

He or she has a habit of injecting a sort of slow burning irritation into your system, like some sort of giant poisonous insect…

Yes, she or he made some remark that you thought was a bit questionable, but it didn’t seem worth taking up; it seemed a bit pathetic to take offence at anything someone so inadequate has to say and besides, the remark was so ridiculous, really…

Then, suddenly – hours after the miserable individual in question has left your company, you suddenly think, “HANG ON A MINUTE! S/HE HAD A REAL NERVE TO SAY THAT!”

But how do you quash such a pathetic person? You don’t want to say something so dreadful that he or she goes home and kills himself or herself. Well, come to think of it, at the moment you’re so furious that you almost feel as though that wouldn’t be a bad thing. In your normal state of mind, though, you don’t want to destroy this person. You just want the irritation to stop.

Cutting him or her out altogether is an option, of course, but it often isn’t possible. Also, often it’s a work colleague, and you have to remain on speaking terms with him or her.

If you can’t avoid this person, and if like me you’re not that great at thinking up instantaneous retorts, then I’ve found the following seven responses quite useful at silencing the Serious Saddo when he or she is out to stir up trouble or otherwise get at you.

1. For when the Serious Saddo is repeating something supposedly said by someone else: -”Why are you telling me this?” If the Serious Saddo responds with, “I just thought you ought to know,” you can respond with, “Why?”
2. This one is very unoriginal, but useful. “You”re not stirring, are you?’ This one also does for situations when someone is trying to cause trouble between two people who are face to face.
3. For when the Serious Saddo is going in for put-downs: “That isn”t a put down, is it…What do you mean?’ As a Serious Saddo hates outright confrontation, he or she isn’t really going to admit to handing out put-downs, and won’t be inclined to go in for an outright attack.
4. Again, highly unoriginal, but useful is:- “I don”t think I heard that correctly. Could you repeat that?’ “No, you can”t have said that. What?’ and so on, repeated several times, if necessary. If you adopt an oblivious tone, it does seem to spoil the Serious Saddo’s fun.
5. “I’m sure that wasn’t meant to sound the way it came out.’
6. “It’s nice of you to take an interest in my job/hair/relations with in-laws etc, but don’t let’s talk about my business. Let’s talk about yours…’
7.  ”Hey, you mustn’t say things like that or people might think you’re weird!’

I’ve found these useful in Stopping Serious Saddos without making them Suicidal.

Plus, of course, the eternal, inappropriate, “That”s nice…’

I’m not that great at coming out with quick fire comebacks, which is really annoying. They tend to come to me in the middle of the night, when the poisonous person in question has long gone. I wouldn’t want to say anything really destructive to that sort of pathetic individual, but s/he certainly deserves to have a little fun poked at him/her.