Silly Willy’s Insurance Fraud Business Plan

First things first…

If you consider a fine insurance fraud, you have to possess something valuable. And then I don’t mean your wife… or your life (’cause you don’t wanna lose that, I guess). But hey guys and dolls, are not you lucky you’ve found Silly Willy, uh? I’m a pro, you know… So, fasten seatbelts and here we go!

It must have been Providence that got me stumblin’ upon some pretty valubale pieces of art, lately. You can buy the piece of your choice now in my store, for – let’s say - 50% of the auction price. I also can manage a real Silly Willy Art Certificate of Authenticity for you. No fee here, it’s free!

Okay… Listen now carefully, ’cause I’m gonna say it only once!… When you’re the owner of a truly invaluable piece of art, you can insure it at the highest possible financial level. Am I right or am I right?… And when you have this insurance, your piece of art can get stolen.

It’s as simple as that.

A Piece of Art is a Joy Forever! 

Here is a little preview of my Catalogue of Precious Artwork:  

Golden “Pendule”, sort of clock -  $ 12,000.00

Commode Style Louis XVI (that was a King of France who lost his head) - $ 19,000.00

Pieta, 16th Century (silver candles not included) – $ 250,000.00

Get the picture?

Now here are some facts and figures you should know about burglaries:

1. Between 50 and 60 percent of all burglaries do not involve forced entry. Usually the homeowner has neglected to lock a door or window.
2. There is a burglary committed every fifteen seconds. Property loss from burglaries is greater than from any other crime. (Believe me, the police or your insurance company won’t get suspicious!)
3. Also good to know: less than 15 percent of all property lost from burglaries is ever located by the police and returned to the owner.
4. Four out of five burglaries of private homes and apartments occur when nobody is home.

Okay, what can we learn out of these facts and figures? It can be easy and it can be fun to get your most valuable pieces of art stolen: you simply have to forget to lock a window when you go on vacation!

The Do’s and the Dont’s: 

Every good business plan has some. So, here are my Ten Commandments for a Succesful Isurance Fraud Business:

1. Don’t surround your property with a combination fence and hedge, especially the thorny kind.
2. Don’t attach an electric alarm to your gate that gets activated at night (and don’t take an outside light that illuminates the front door).
3. Don’t secure all windows and doors with burglarproof security hardware.
4. Do leave the night-light on somewhere in the house, so a thief will think that there is someone still awake (but I know better).
5. Do notify your local police department of your absence, but do it a few days after you left. (The patrol car covering your area can make periodic checkups now and you won’t be suspected of insurance fraud. Of course, your property will by then already be safe with me.)
6. Do arrange to have a neighbor pick up your mail and watch out for any strangers around your house: again, you won’t be suspected and these are the signs a burglar looks for… And we don’t want to have amateurs sneaking around, do we?
7. Don’t disconnect your telephone: it’s the perfect tip-off to a burglar.
8. Don’t draw all venetian blinds or curtains.
9. Don’t notify the local society columnist about your intended vacation. Amateur burglars read such tidbits.
10. Do wait until you get back: you’ll have a great story to tell about these precious pieces of art that were stolen!

So, my dear business-partners… Don’t be Silly and ask Willy to get the job done!