Some Hilarious One-liners
A selection of one liners to make everyone a little bit happier.
Sometimes we all need a one-liner to cheer us up.
We all need a joke or two to cheer us up every once in a while, so here are some of my personal favourites.
- 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name
- Atheism is a non-prophet organization
- Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder
- I took an IQ test and the results were negative
- Plan to be spontaneous, tomorrow
- The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard
- The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
- Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition
- 90% of men kiss their wife goodbye when they leave the house.
The rest kiss their house goodbye when they leave the wife.
- A bargain is something you don’t need at a price you can’t resist
- Seen on the back of a biker’s vest:
If you can read this, my wife fell off.
- Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines
- If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame
- If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again; it was probably worth it
- If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments
- A single death is a tragedy; a million deaths is a statistic
- As I said before, I never repeat myself
- Ask a question and you’re a fool for three minutes; do not ask a question and you’re a fool for the rest of your life
- A spoonful of honey will catch more flies than a gallon of vinegar
- A statesman shears the sheep. A politician skins them.
- Time is the best teacher; unfortunately it kills all of its students
- A word of encouragement during a failure is worth more than an hour of praise after success
- A young person knows the rules but the old person knows the exceptions