Sometimes we all need a one-liner to cheer us up.

We all need a joke or two to cheer us up every once in a while, so here are some of my personal favourites.

• 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name
• Atheism is a non-prophet organization
• Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder
• I took an IQ test and the results were negative
• Plan to be spontaneous, tomorrow
• The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard
• The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
• Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition
• 90% of men kiss their wife goodbye when they leave the house.
  The rest kiss their house goodbye when they leave the wife.
• A bargain is something you don’t need at a price you can’t resist
• Seen on the back of a biker’s vest:
  If you can read this, my wife fell off.
• Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines
• If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame
• If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again; it was probably worth it
• If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments
• A single death is a tragedy; a million deaths is a statistic
• As I said before, I never repeat myself
• Ask a question and you’re a fool for three minutes; do not ask a question and you’re a fool for the rest of your life
• A spoonful of honey will catch more flies than a gallon of vinegar
• A statesman shears the sheep. A politician skins them.
• Time is the best teacher; unfortunately it kills all of its students
• A word of encouragement during a failure is worth more than an hour of praise after success
• A young person knows the rules but the old person knows the exceptions