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Some Hilarious One-liners

Published by Greyian Storm in Life
September 28th, 2008

A selection of one liners to make everyone a little bit happier.

Sometimes we all need a one-liner to cheer us up.

We all need a joke or two to cheer us up every once in a while, so here are some of my personal favourites.

  • 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name
  • Atheism is a non-prophet organization
  • Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder
  • I took an IQ test and the results were negative
  • Plan to be spontaneous, tomorrow
  • The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard
  • The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
  • Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition
  • 90% of men kiss their wife goodbye when they leave the house.
    The rest kiss their house goodbye when they leave the wife.
  • A bargain is something you don’t need at a price you can’t resist
  • Seen on the back of a biker’s vest:
    If you can read this, my wife fell off.
  • Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines
  • If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame
  • If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again; it was probably worth it
  • If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments
  • A single death is a tragedy; a million deaths is a statistic
  • As I said before, I never repeat myself
  • Ask a question and you’re a fool for three minutes; do not ask a question and you’re a fool for the rest of your life
  • A spoonful of honey will catch more flies than a gallon of vinegar
  • A statesman shears the sheep. A politician skins them.
  • Time is the best teacher; unfortunately it kills all of its students
  • A word of encouragement during a failure is worth more than an hour of praise after success
  • A young person knows the rules but the old person knows the exceptions

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1 Comment
  1. Michael Bagnan
    Posted June 2, 2010 at 8:42 am

    Omg this is amazing, made me happy so i fingered my anus!

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