Is there any feeling worse than a really bad cold? I don’t mean a little runny nose mixed with a minor sinus head ache. I mean can’t breath, can’t see, can’t talk, can’t barely walk because both of your ear canals are stuffed full of junk and your equilibrium is shot in the rear! Every time you try to climb off the couch it sort of feels like you drank a fifth of peppermint schnapps, a six pack of cheap beer, ate a half dozen chili cheese dogs, then strapped a bucket over your head and proceeded to ride the quadruple corkscrew roller coaster repeatedly for hours. Between my nose being stuffed solid, and my voice being nearly gone, I sound like the God Father with a five pack a day habit, after a night of heavy drinking.

  Here’s a winner, how about a good cold mixed with the flu? Oh yea this is fun. I’ve spent so much time on the toilet that my butt is now shaped like a toilet bowl. I recently started carrying around a large plastic bucket, I know what you are thinking, and it’s not for when I throw up. It’s for when my insides finally falls out. I’ll be in need of a way to transport my small intestines to the emergency room for re-insertion! Since we already touched on the subject, is it possible to actually throw up your internal organs? I didn’t think so until recently. After two hours of making sounds that resembled a slowly dying Musk Ox, I’m pretty confident that I hacked up a piece of my liver, or maybe that was my spleen?

  Speaking of hacking, how about that cough! I can’t go out in public for fear of being marked as the next Typhoid Mary! My chest hurts so darn bad I actually wondered if I was having a Coronary, but then the head ache kicked in and I realized what I was actually having was a major stroke!

  So here I sit on the floor of my bathroom, My stomach is rolling, my head hurts so darn bad that my vision is blurred, all I can hear is the sound of the ocean smashing through my skull, and on top of it all I’m starting to wonder if I just had a little accident? If my nose worked I could tell you. Hope you enjoy the cold and flu season as much as I am.

That’s about it, stay healthy!