“Hello, Dear. I’m a life saver now!” I trilled happily into the telephone to my beautiful daughter. Getting no response; I asked worriedly.” Are you there, Dear?”
“Oh… sorry, Mom. I was picturing you as a brightly colored piece of candy with a large hole in the center of it.” My lovely but facetious child giggled, then added thoughtfully. “It was really easy to do…”

“Silly Girl!” I tittered, “I meant that I took a class in CPR given by the Fire Department. Now I can save lives!”

“Great, Mom! If I stop breathing, I’ll give you a call. Bye!” My Beautiful but Bratty daughter said happily.

“Don’t you want to hear about my class?” I asked forlornly.

“Oh, I guess! If you feel you must, go ahead and tell me about it.”
The darling but unenthusiastic kid sighed. Luckily, I’m not the sensitive type.

“First, remember that CPR is only one link in the chain of survival. The first link is early access to PMS. For that you call 911.” I expounded grandly.

“You mean EMS, Mom. Its early access to Emergency Medical Services; not PMS.” My darling but intrusive child interrupted.

“That makes sense. I really didn’t understand how getting cranky and hormone ridden could help in a emergency situation.” I said thoughtfully.

“Never helped you; huh, Mom?” My Beautiful but facetious kid agreed drolly. “What’s next?”

“The second link in the chain is the CPR; but until I took this class, I couldn’t do more than the first link. In fact; without the class, there would be no second link.”

“Does that make you the missing link?” My kid giggled.

“Exactly!” I said proudly; then my brow furrowed. “I think…”

“I’m sure there is more; so do get on with it. ” My daughter said with all of the excitement of a rock.

“Next we learned step-by-step; what to do for a victim. First we check for responsiveness. If he’s not responsive he is either unconscious or my ex-husband.”

“Hmmm….that could be almost too close to call. How do you check for responsiveness?” Asked my child.

“This will surprise you, dear. You know how in the movies they always slap the unconscious dude and yell ‘wake up? My instructor wouldn’t let me do that!” I said indignantly. “I’m supposed to tap him on the shoulder like a wimp and say ‘Hey, are you alright?’!”

“The nerve! You mean he wouldn’t let you add a broken jaw to the victims other injuries?” My beautiful but sarcastic daughter gasped.

“I get your point, Dear. ” I said sheepishly. “Come to think of it; a slap never worked that well on my ex-husband either.”

“Anyway, After we ascertain the victim is unconscious; we check for breathing and a pulse.” I went on. “If those are absent, we do the ABCs.”

“Uh… the ABCs?” My daughter asked doubtfully.

“Yep!” I said emphatically. “AIRWAY-Position head so the airway is open. BREATH-Breathe for the victim. CIRCULATION-Perform chest compression on the victim to maintain blood flow to essential organs.”

“You really learned all of that? I’m impressed!” My daughter said.
“Was it hard?”

“Well, I had to practice on a mannequin made especially for that purpose. Believe me; it wasn’t easy giving the kiss of life to a unresponsive dummy all day long.” I said pensively; then I shuddered. “It was like being married to my ex-husband all over again.”