Having written another article on the trials of dealing with Joe Public, I thought it only in the interests of justice that opposing arguments should be considered prior to passing sentence. Outside our place of employment, we all have the dubious privilege of being one of those faceless individuals among the masses which places us on the opposite side of the divide. As there are always two sides to a story, and I believe Joe Public should be allowed a fair hearing and will attempt to portray a variety of situations from their side of the fence.

I’ve often wondered why a high percentage of people employed in the service industries appear to have been selected from the crème de la crème of the unfriendly, unhelpful, obstructive and socially inept. Take for instance the bored shop assistant; often easily spotted due to the fact that they’re on their mobile phone and complain bitterly to the person they’re talking to, “I”ll have to call you back,’ when you request their assistance. With monotonous regularity, I have found myself trying to extract information from these shop assistants while simultaneously observing the vacant look that spreads across their face.

I would also suspect that they adopt the seemingly obligatory “must act stupid and create the impression I can”t even speak’ approach for very good reasons, i.e. as a deterrent to having to do any work and your attempt to coerce the bored shop assistant into assisting you usually requires the same degree of effort as obtaining blood from a stone. This is a pretty effective strategy in terms of avoiding work as there is every possibility you will eventually realise any attempts to pressgang them into assisting you is in vain and therefore, will seek out a more obliging member of staff, who otherwise known as the “mug” whose prepared to do the dirty work that no one else wants to do, or better still, go away altogether! The bored shop assistant can then return to previous telephone conversation pertaining to where they went they went the night before, how drunk they got, how sick they where and “who was with who” as they say.

As a member of Joe Public, how many times have you encountered employees in a variety of establishments who are; the new start who doesn’t know anything, the person who hasn’t been trained to deal with your request, the person who doesn’t have the authorization to deal with your request, or a member of the “I simply just don”t give a shit what your request is’ brigade? I have developed a pet hate for the frequently used and well rehearsed shop assistant’s phrase, “if it”s not on the shelf we haven’t got it’. I’ve often felt like saying, “I can see it”s not on the shelf, if it was, we wouldn’t be having this conversation. What I’m actually asking you to do as you obviously don’t have the intelligence to work it out or yourself, is find out if you have this particular item stored in another location within the premises and if it is, can you get it for me?’ But what would be the point? I’d only be met with yet another vacant stare.

Beside, even if you managed to move the bored shop assistant into action, dealing with your request would no doubt take an inordinate amount of time and in the end, prove fruitless so you leave empty handed. Game, set and match for the bored shop assistant and “null points” for Joe Public.

Post Offices are excellent places to find members of the “hate Joe Public” club. The expressionless, unsmiling face peers at you from behind the protective Perspex screen which is there for their protection and believe me, they utilise this screen to its full potential. The Perspex screen is a multifunctional device that not only prevents you from pulling them over the counter by the throat, but forces you to discuss any personal business you have in an excessively loud manner which further enhancing the post-office clerks’ feelings of superiority. I can recall waiting in a long queue at the post-office in order to pay some bills and being 7 months pregnant, was relieved when I finally reached the counter. I explained that I wanted to pay some bills but had not filled out my cheque written out. The reason being I explained further, was that I would like to pay my bills collectively on one cheque but was unsure if that was possible.

Glaring at me from behind the Perspex screen,  Mr Personality informed me that I could pay my bill collectively on one cheque but he couldn’t possibly wait for me to write the cheque and with all the kindness and compassion of a Great White Shark, directed me to a counter in order to fill out my cheque, following which I could rejoin the increasingly lengthening queue. Full marks for interpersonal skills! Being a bit of a rebel, I declined his offer and asked if I could purchase a stamp instead in order to post my cheque, as that would probably be quicker than the length of time it would take me to acquire his assistance. I purchased the stamp and considered this to be a small victory for Joe Public. Mr Personality may have evaded processing my bills but he had to sell me a stamp, meaning a naughty member of Joe Public took up approximately four minutes of his precious time for the sum total seventeen pence as it was then. As a member of Joe Public, I’ve also had to endure the indignity of collecting state benefits from the post-office when due to circumstances beyond my control, I found myself out of work. The post-office clerk seems to love creating the illusion the he or she is paying you out of their own pocket and as you’re a sponger who’s claiming state benefit while they have a job, they are therefore superior to you irrespective of the fact that they have no insight into the individual circumstances that placed you in this position.

Another tribe that Joe Public very often encounters, is the “not my job” fraternity. The best illustration of the “not my job” fraternity’s mentality, is a picture my husband came across on the Internet of a guy man painting yellow lines on the road and true to his job description, conscientiously painted a yellow stripe over a dead badger lying at the side of the road. One particular morning I had the misfortune of encountering a series of people who were very skilful in this area of expertise. As I drove home, I took my car to the car wash as it was due its annual “MOT” test the following day. I drove into the car wash and waited for several minutes for the disgruntled car wash attendant to exhume himself from the office and shuffle his to my car window. I think I interrupted him reading his copy of “The Beano” comic; or perhaps he was just looking at the pictures. I smiled pleasantly and asked for a quick wash and in an attempt to make light conversation, mentioned that my car was due its annual MOT test the following day. Too much information! He immediately launched into the, “not my job” routine with the words, “we don”t do car washes for MOT we only do ….’ Before he could go any further I interrupted, due to the fact that I had become increasingly frustrated as the day had progressed by members of the “not my job” fraternity and said, “do you do car washes?” He was forced to admit he did so I said, “then I”ll have one of those for whatever reason you like.’ I’ve observed that a variety of business establishments now display notices to the effect that their staff are entitled to be treated with dignity and respect, and should not be dealt with in an aggressive manner or subjected to verbal abuse. I wonder what may have prompted them to display such a notice.

Irrespective of what particular field they are deployed in, members of the “not my job” fraternity have no difficulty in clarifying in extensive detail what they are not employed to do. They seem however to have a greater degree of difficulty in defining what exactly they are paid to do. They share another common denominator in that they can come up with an inexhaustible list of reasons in an instant as to why they cannot deal your request even if it is their job. I formed this opinion when I contacted my vet out of hours. I dialled the emergency number and unknown to me, the telephone number was that of a call centre. Foolishly assuming that I was speaking to someone employed in veterinary medicine, and the only words I was greeted with when the telephone was answered was the word “hello,” I explained I was calling in connection with my pet pooch and would like some advice from a veterinary surgeon. My request was met by a barrage utterances such as; they didn’t give advice, they were a call centre and before the operator could continue any further with the unending list of utterances as to why they could not deal with my request as opposed to telling me what exactly they could do, I apologized for having dialled the wrong number and hung up. Once having done so, I continued my conversation by subjecting the now dormant phone to a barrage of abuse, such as; I wasn’t of the opinion they could give me advice on veterinary medicine if they weren’t a qualified vet, I wasn’t asking for their advice, I wanted the vets advice which was the whole point of dialling the emergency number and they weren’t the vet, what was wrong with telling me how to get in touch with the vet when they answered the phone if that was what they where being paid to do and if it was not what they where being paid to do, why where they answering the calls coming through on the vets emergency number in the first place, and as “hello” is an insufficient amount of information in order to establish who the bloody hell I where speaking to, how was I supposed to know it was a call centre when I had dialled the vets emergency number, and when they started working for a call centre did they not receive training on how to actually answer the phone instead of telling me what wasn’t their job! 

Phew! I’m glad I’ve got that all off my chest now!

I’ve also frequently had the experience, as many other member of Joe Public no doubt have, of being completely unable to contact the person whose responsibility it is to deal with my enquiry. I’m sure many of you have shared my experience of being offered a range of excuses for the particular individuals unavailability such as; they’re at lunch, it’s their day off, they’re at a meeting, they’re on a break, they’re with someone, or they’re on another call. Why is there only ever one person in an entire establishment of personnel who can deal with your enquiry? Sometimes your fortunate enough to know the name and direct telephone number of the individual you need to contact in relation to your enquiry, thus bypassing the protective armour of individuals that prevent you from contacting them, but there are those occasions when their phone is answered by an enthusiastic but over helpful colleague, who informs you that the person you are trying to contact asks if they can help in any way? Experience has taught me as mentioned above, discussing your inquiry with another colleague is futile and therefore decline their offer, and can detect a note of disappointment in their voice when you say that you’ll call back another time and decline their offer of leaving a message, thus dashing their prospects of finding out what you’re call was about. Not to be deterred in their enthusiasm however, they inquire as to who called and for no other reason than to satisfy their curiosity as your call will more than likely not be returned unless the person your trying to contact is a known quantity, you leave your name. Still, the over enthusiastic approach is an improvement on the downright nosy approach which is, your call is answered; your asked for your name, what your calls in connection with, your informed the person you need to speak to is not available which is confirmed without the need to check, and they can’t pass on a message.

Going from the sublime to the ridiculous, Joe Public also encounters those who have not endured sufficient exposure to the public to become embittered and resentful and are therefore friendly and helpful, but over zealous. For instance, there is nothing that will put you off a meal like over zealous waiting staff that hover at your table, asking persistently if everything’s all right and if you would you like anything else, while you gag on the mouthful of food your trying to swallow in an attempt to answer them. Or the staff in certain fast food establishments who say “have a nice day” to the guy who stands outside selling the “Big Issue”. Salespersons are renowned for being over enthusiastic and many a joke that has been made about double glazing salespersons are not without foundation. I’ve had double glazing salesmen arrive at my home around seven in the evening and not leave until after midnight, and they are often more than happy to tell you their life story whether you want to hear it or not, in addition to the “OTT” sales routine. Having dealt with many a member of Joe Public myself, I can understand why they think we’re all a bit intellectually challenged, but there are some of us who are well aware that while there may be an infinite number of establishments which sell double glazing in Northern Ireland, there are only about two factories in that manufacture them, and they receive orders from all the opposition. Therefore, claiming their windows are made to a higher standard and better finished than anyone else’s is not only without foundation, it is certainly not justification for charging an extortionately higher price than anyone else.

Another indignity Joe Public has to endure, is being asked to recount their life history to about five different people when making an enquiry or attempting to resolve a problem. None of these people ever seem have the power or occupy a position that enables them to do anything to assist you, but they want you to tell them about it anyway. As you are passed around a chain of people who are authorised to talk on the phone and repeatedly hear the greeting, “Good morning/afternoon, “so and so’ speaking, how may I help you’ until you reach the point were you feel like saying, “I don”t give a shit whose speaking, just tell me what I want to know or put me through to someone who can, irrespective of what they’re called.’ In an attempt to locate a specialist in a particular field, I found myself in this very situation. After being passed through a seemingly never ending chain in the attempt to acquire name and telephone numbers of a specialist in this particular law, I eventually spoke to a courteous but inquisitive member of staff who was doing her best to avail herself of as many details in connection with my enquiry as possible. I explained to her that the details were of a personal nature and I really didn’t want to go into them over the phone. She explained that while she respected that, it was difficult to give advice without details. I stated that I wasn’t calling for advice but was attempting to source the name and telephone number of a professional person who specialized in a specific particular area of law, and did she have a list of such individuals or could she tell me how I could acquire a list? She replied that she didn’t have that information, so why didn’t she say that in the first place, and suggested I try another establishment which was no other than the establishment that gave me her number. And my husband complains about the phone bill?

The most fearsome person Joe Public has to face must be the Doctors receptionist. As you enter the surgery, have you ever wondered why the open plan office style is so popular today? It’s so as you have full view of the Rottweiler pack skulking and sniffing around an array of computers in the office area behind the reception desk which the most fearsome member of the pack is chained to, lying in wait for the patients. On your approach, you pray the chain is short enough to prevent her leaping over the counter and at least 100lbs break and strain as your about to utter the unspeakable, you want to see the Doctor! As you stammer your request, the eyes narrow, the lip curls, saliva drips from the corner of her mouth and the leash strains as she growls in satanic fashion, “No appointments for 2 weeks!” In order to secure an emergency appointment, Queen Rottweiler will not only become more ferocious, but demand to know your symptoms irrespective of the crowded waiting room, but feeling particularly brave due to the agony your in, you request an emergency appointment and state you would prefer not to discuss your symptoms in the crowded waiting room due to their personal nature. That does it! The curled lip becomes a snarl, the trail of saliva turns to foam and you run from the surgery like Lara Croft in the advertisement for Lucozade with Queen Rottweiler snapping at your heels!

Things don’t improve when you contact the out of hour’s surgery. I availed myself of this service when feeling extremely ill at 4.00am and was subjected to such a degree of rudeness that I felt compelled to complain to the practice manager the following day. He assured me my complaint would be investigated and a week later, I received a letter apologizing for any offence cause but went on to say that they were satisfied the receptionist had acted in a professional manner as the details she wrote down were correct. I was regretful of the fact that I no longer worked part time as a waitress. If this guy was a restaurant diner, I would have made a point of serving him, subject him to the same degree of rudeness that I had been subjected to, and then claim I had acted in a professional manner as I had written down his order correctly, and yes it would have been worth loosing a crap job I didn’t need just to make a point. If you do manage to get past the clerical SS and actually get to see the Doctor, how does he or she deal with Joe Public? They emerge from the consulting room door clean cut, smiling, folder in hand, usher you politely into a chair which is strategically placed at the side of the desk and not behind it so you don’t feel intimidated, and then they listen with professional empathy to your particular tale of woe. You leave the surgery with confidence in medical profession restored but the minute the door closes behind you, the nice doctor will demand an explanation from Queen Rottweiler on reception as to how a patient could possibly have got past her and deprives her of bones for a week. Not such a nice doctor after all!

So am I just being too harsh and cynical? In short yes because the truth is, human failings are universal and most of us have at some point in time treated someone in an unacceptable manner and likewise, we have all been treated in an unacceptable way by someone else. Those of us with a conscience would acknowledge that, but there are those in society who make it a practise to misuse their position or circumstances in order to be unkind or unjust to someone else, simply because they can yet the very same people are outraged when they are treated in a similar fashion by someone else. The antagonistic relationship between Joe Public and those they serve could be so readily resolved with a little milk of human kindness and our roles in society are interchangeable, is it really so hard to step outside ourselves place ourselves in another person’s shoes? In light of that, I will end with a well known phrase, “just because the dogs smaller than you it doesn”t mean you have to kick him.’