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Three Dumb Ways to Committing Suicide Without Hurting Yourself

Published by Nev Harrison in Life
November 16th, 2008

Here is described three humorous steps to committing suicide without hurting yourself.

It amuses me till this day why some human beings would opt for suicide because they are confronted with depressing situations. I don’t view suicide as option considering the fact that it is a sin against God.

But if you must do it, then these are three ways you can achieve it without hurting yourself

1: Get a loaded gun and lock yourself up in a bathroom. Next, say your last prayers, let the prayers be short because you will be going to hell anyway.

After saying your prayers, your next move should be going to stand in front of your bathroom mirror. Then, point your loaded gun at the mirror aiming at the position of your most vital organ. Once you are certain that you have gotten a clear shot, empty your loaded gun at the mirror.

After shooting at the mirror, go and have a cup of coffee before calling the police to come and pick up your corpse from your apartment.

2. The second way to committing suicide is by knowing the names of the most deadly toxins that can take the life of a human being by just having a sip. When you find out the names of these lethal substances, write them all in a piece of paper. After writing them all in the piece of paper, proceed to your bathroom and lock yourself up. Then your next move should be tearing the paper into pieces before passing it down your throat. Once the entire piece of paper is safe inside your stomach, all you have to do from this point is wait; probably till the toilet or mom or dad calls.

3. The third way to committing suicide without getting hurt is by using the tip of your left big toe to touch the tip of your left ear while still on your feet and simultaneously having your left ear touch your right eye. It doesn’t end there; you must also have your great grand mother’s first boyfriend as the first and only member of your audience.

Confusing? Let me make it simple, first, go and get your great grand mother’s first boyfriend, mind you, I don’t mean your great grand father.

Then let him stand in front of you while you use the tip of your left big toe to touch the tip of your left ear. You must accomplish this task while standing on your feet and your left ear must also touch your right eye while all this is happening.

The three above mentioned steps have been proven to be the best ways of committing suicide without getting hurt, so if you ever get tired of the way things are going in your life, don’t forget the three above mentioned dumb ways, they are bound to get the job done.

Liked it
  1. heyyall
    Posted March 20, 2009 at 2:30 pm

    whod want 2 kill themselves? only the gothic peoples want to do that….so yeah….

  2. dummmass
    Posted May 22, 2009 at 7:10 pm


  3. Posted October 12, 2009 at 4:29 pm

    I love your oddly humourous style to make a point and I do agree, these are pretty stupid ways for the “perfect” suicide. :) Good article, made me smile!

  4. Posted October 13, 2009 at 9:01 pm

    I was so not expecting that… thanks for being the new comic relief at Triond! *:)



    -Liane Schmidt.

  5. suhana
    Posted January 21, 2010 at 5:59 am

    its really a nice way to commit succide. atleast by doing all this stuff v’ll feel better

  6. Lavina
    Posted June 21, 2010 at 3:07 pm


  7. Nesta
    Posted February 15, 2011 at 6:56 pm

    It “amuses” you that some people are in so much pain and are so unaware of God’s love or God’s plan for them that they would resort to killing themselves?

    And you call yourself a Christian? Those poor people will make it to heaven long before you.

  8. Posted April 2, 2011 at 8:44 am


  9. Posted April 7, 2011 at 5:28 am

    Come on now Nesta, this is all humour, not to be taken seriously, our world needs a lot of humour, especially with the tragic events taking place globally, we all need some humour

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