Going to the beach is fun. There are so many different activities that you can do. Playing in the sand, sun bathing, swimming, and tossing a beach ball around are a few things that come to mind. However, there are some things that you should not do at the beach. Here are a few examples:

1. Never kick sand in a man that is built like a house unless you want your body to be foreclosed
2. Do not pick up seaweed and throw it on your parents
3. Don’t run in your bare feet on the sand when the temperature is over 100 degrees
4. Never drink the water from the lake or put the water in a bottle and ask someone if they would like a drink of bottled water
5. Make sure that the swimsuit stays securely on your body. No one appreciates seeing the crack from someone who weighs over 400 pounds.
6. Do not throw your butts on the sand. Don’t ask which butts that I’m talking about.
7. Never holler fire on the beach. They’ll think that you’re crazy.
8. No farting on the beach. We like the air around us clean and fresh.
9. No sex on the beach. Use your car in the parking lot for that.
10. No jumping up and down on your dad’s belly. Your dad is not a trampoline.
11. Do not squirt the man that is built like a house or else you may be dunked head first in the water
12. Do not run on the sand in your bare feet if the sand is covered with sharp stones and glass. We don’t want to color the sand with your blood.
13. Do not stay out in the sun all day long without sun block unless you don’t mind weeks of excruciating pain
14. Do not stay out in the sun all day long without drinking water or other appropriate fluids. You know what is inappropriate. Really you do.
15. Never leave trash or garbage on the beach. You made the mess. Now clean it up!
16. Do not use a metal detector around a woman wearing a bikini. You’re not going to find any hidden money there.
17. Do not stay out on the beach during a thunderstorm. You won’t be charged for admission. However, you may receive another charge instead.
18. Do not play beach volleyball with a bowling ball
19. Never approach a beautiful woman on the beach with the intent of propositioning her. This is particularly important when that beautiful woman’s boyfriend is the man that is built like a house. If you do so, the next lighthouse that you will see will be the flashing light spinning around in your vacant head.
20. Do not spread your towel too close to the water unless you want to say, “Here’s mud in your eye.”