So I had this client come into the spa where I work as a massage therapist. He was abnormally big, like well over 6′8” and thick. Not muscular really, just a very large biped. I say biped because I’m not entirely certain of his classification, although I would definitely put him in the primate family, however that still left plenty of room for error when trying to decide on how I should address him. After some brief deliberation I settled on “sir” since I was at least certain of his gender. As he lumbered past the display of aromatic soaps and lotions, he then paused for a moment at that head of the hallway and looked at me while raising his sloth like arm and he pointing to the first room on the right. Since he had yet to speak, I too remained quiet for fear of startling him and instead chose to respond using slow and deliberate gestures as I acknowledged his non-verbal cues and pointed him in the direction of the room.

Then, in a quiet and non-threatening voice, I told him to undress to a level comfortable for him and that I would return in a few minutes. I was not prepared for what I saw. His back was a solid blanket of coarse black hair. I don’t mean he had a lot of hair for a guy….I mean he had a lot of hair for a mammal. Perhaps he’s a mountain man I thought to myself, but then no…..there would be some discernible difference, some break in continuity between the hair on his back and what descended further down his trunk, legs and inevitably to the large, square blocks that he walked on. I could tell he wasn’t very comfortable and I tried all manner of propping his limbs and such to allow for his unnaturally extended belly – which had him teetering on the table – which also got me to thinking….what was up with that gut? When he first arrived I was so distracted by his unusual height and lack of language skills that I failed to notice his mid-section all together. He wasn’t fat by any means or at least the rest of him wasn’t…. but his stomach was very 3rd world bloated as if he had just eaten a dingo before heading out this morning. I finally managed to find enough pillows and table extensions to accommodate most of him, and while he still didn’t look comfortable, he was at least sufficiently supported. As I massaged his tree trunk legs and worked my way down to the lesser appendages most commonly referred to as “feet” (however with these boats the correct anatomical verbiage seemed lacking) I noticed that protruding from between his first two toes on his right foot was a pinecone?

This did at least explain the limp I had observed earlier. This sent my mind reeling with all sorts of thoughts regarding this creatures identity and I finally came to the conclusion that he was most probably and in all likelihood…. a yeti. I know. It doesn’t sound plausible but it is at least possible…so I went with it. Now if I were to hazard a guess I would say he was in his early 50’s but since I am unfamiliar with the yeti aging process, or even how long they live, I just couldn’t be sure. He was in pretty good shape considering what his lifestyle must be like. Is it stressful on the body living in higher altitudes? But of course my yeti was in Texas with a pinecone lodged in his foot. East Texas piney woods yeti perhaps, but not likely an Appalachian yeti. East Texas was woodsy and fraught with God knows what other wildlife; those woods are dense and go on for miles….

There must be a busload of yeti out there! What kind of life does a yeti lead, I wondered? There has to be some hardships. Foraging for food, bathing in streams, constantly on the run from paranormal investigators. Poor yeti. No wonder he was here at the spa, lying on my table with a hot pack on his back, listening to Enja while he breathed in the calming effects of lavender and vanilla.