I’ve noticed that people like to point fingers at each other when something goes wrong. And no, that doesn’t mean if they point at you that you can pull their finger.

I didn’t do it! It was the three eyed monkey! He did it! Stop hitting yourself! We all know he likes to lose a few pounds after lunch. Hey, it’s better than a sack full of burning dog poop on your front doorstep.

Have a seat Aunt Betty. Holy shit! You just sat on my kids. Yea, now you can call her a lard ass. There was this one time I ran so hard that every time my foot landed I farted louder than a monster truck. Nothing says I love you like a fat chick getting a box of chocolates.

Yesterday I saw Gandhi kick himself in the face. And while that was going on I was spoon feeding a Silverback Gorilla. That just happened to twist off both my arms like a Snapple. I bet there is something you don’t know, that you do know, and even if you know, you’re not saying if you knew what you don’t know. Lol, try to say that 3 times. I wonder if you could use a beaver for a can opener. I found out the hard way. I still got teeth marks.

And last Friday Osama Bin Laden was walking down town dragging along 2 patrol officers attached to his legs.