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Wickedly Funny Classified Ads

Published by Paula Mitchell Bentley in Life
November 14th, 2008

If you scour through the classifieds of your local newspaper, you may just find a chuckle or two. Sometimes they’re funny on purpose and sometimes they’re just funny.

Newspaper subscription rates have been falling dramatically in the last decade or two due to the advent of digital news.  To me, there’s nothing like getting ink all over your hands and table as you flip humongous pages reading the news.  Sometimes it just may be worth it though.  I thought that some of the personal ads I dug up were funny.  These classifieds are hysterical!

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I think that this is something that we can all relate to — except for the wife part.  I’d blame it on my husband and kids!  I wonder if his wife ever figured out why there were getting so many weird phone calls…

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Views plus spacious 1554 sq. ft. home with large lot, family room with fireplace, huge dick for entertaining?  Well, um, good to know.  I hope someone starts reading these real estate ads more carefully before publishing them!

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That’s hysterical!  I wonder what else she has up for grabs?

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Here’s another pet ad that will make you laugh — or I guess I should say giggle.  I wonder what kind of tricks a dog that looks like this can perform?  And what exactly do they mean by good with children?

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If you have to describe a pony to someone as looking like a small horse, do you think they would be able to take care of it?  Yikes.

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I think they made a movie about this once or maybe twice.  I love that you have to bring your own weapons.  Maybe the next ad could give some ideas on how to get some weapons.

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Used porn anyone?  It’s unfortunate that they’re selling church pews in the ad above it.

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This one just makes me laugh.  Not very subtle.  I guess they think they’re pretty talented but only up to a point.

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I’m not sure it’s Math help that this person really needs…

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And this one is just weird.  Very, very weird.  In case you can’t read it, it says:

“Lester, this is Dawn.  Please be assured that I will be getting married no matter what you or my dysfunctional sister have to say.  We might have to go to Canada or Mexico but we will be getting married.  I get what I want and this is very important to me.  Lester, you have a few secrets of your own that you want to keep down low, so watch out!”

If you have to travel to a different country to get married and take out personal ads to explain it to your “dysfunctional” family, you might want to rethink it.

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21 Comments
  1. Posted November 14, 2008 at 1:48 am

    This is again a hooter!

    Don’t you think I could trade the playboy magazines for the church pews?

  2. Posted November 14, 2008 at 1:59 am

    This made me laugh several times – nice work!!

    Blessings.

    Sincerely,

    -Liane Schmidt.

  3. Posted November 14, 2008 at 2:02 am

    Really Cool!!

  4. Posted November 14, 2008 at 2:16 am

    This is a fantastic article – great fun x

  5. Posted November 14, 2008 at 2:35 am

    Good laugh!
    I loved the time-traveler ad.

  6. Posted November 14, 2008 at 6:22 am

    Great article. I laughed a lot :D . Liked most the ad with the time machine job :D

  7. Posted November 14, 2008 at 6:47 am

    so outrageously funny.

  8. Posted November 14, 2008 at 11:50 am

    I’m not sure if offering the husband in an ad is the best way to smooth out the marital troubles…

  9. Posted November 14, 2008 at 2:38 pm

    lol…

  10. Posted November 14, 2008 at 2:52 pm

    Reality depasses fiction? Great stuff here!

  11. Posted November 14, 2008 at 5:09 pm

    Oh so funny I love your articles. they always make me laugh.

  12. Posted November 15, 2008 at 11:58 am

    Honestly, I am really amuse with your article, are you comedian of some sort?

  13. Bunnis
    Posted November 15, 2008 at 12:09 pm

    Hey can I have sex with u?

  14. Posted November 16, 2008 at 1:09 pm

    These are a riot! Thank you.

  15. Posted December 5, 2008 at 2:30 pm

    lol Hilarious!! :) ))))

  16. Tommy
    Posted January 18, 2009 at 9:38 am

    Lolol wonderful!!!
    I was looking for pictures of the classified section from newspapers to decorate a careers project with :P
    I stumbled across this and got side tracked and read em all :D
    Thanks a bunch

  17. lisa hossain
    Posted January 20, 2009 at 11:32 am

    hahaha so funny. love this article :)

  18. Posted July 11, 2010 at 6:53 pm

    http://www.foxads.co.uk provides free listing of your classified ad in UK. Local free submission of your classified ad provides a simple avenue for the sale of your items, products or services. Registration is easy through direct registration page or through facebook or twitter accounts. You can make your ad premium by payment of nominal fee of £3-00 and increase the chances of your sale.

  19. jordan.luke
    Posted November 29, 2010 at 7:45 pm

    sheeeesh I havent laughed so much in a long time. That mr Giggles pic hahahha.Thanks

  20. Posted June 23, 2011 at 3:30 pm

    I love this! Good job. Very entertaining.

    Here are some funny receipts

    http://www.best5everything.com/best5ListPages/funny-receipt-items-82891.php

  21. Posted December 6, 2011 at 1:35 am

    Worldwideads.co.uk is a Free to List Classified website

    provides free listing of your classified ad in UK. Local free submission of your classified ad provides a simple avenue for the sale of your items, products or services. Registration is easy through direct registration page or through facebook or twitter accounts. You can make your ad premium by payment of nominal fee of £1-00 and increase the chances of your sale.

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