I have ranked these in order of annoyance, according to myself. You may prefer to re-order or even to replace some of them, but if you do so you may well find yourself added to the list.

The truth is, though, that it is better to make a list like this than it is to spontaneously combust in rage. Or so my therapist tells me…

1 – Women in a Shoe Sale

I have recently had the great misfortune of visiting (in the way Guy Fawkes ‘visited’ the Tower of London, I suppose) a shoe shop in the post-Christmas sales.

This has left me both scarred and shaken to the core, and has refreshed the notion that the most selfish creature in existence is a woman with the last pair of half-price boots in a store.

The restraints of mortality are thrown away in disdain as this monster battles her way towards the cashier’s desk: babies are pushed aside, competitors trampled underfoot and grown men flung away, effortlessly reduced to tears. Had I not been one of them I could probably have summoned a vestige of respect for her power. But no, instead I feel only resentment, and a little confusion: what the h*ll is so special about boots?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Fawkes_arrest2.jpg

(Like me, he tried to flee)

2 – Businessmen pushing passed on Busy Escalators

I am not alone in detesting these people. The fact is that there really is not that much of a rush, and even if there were then saving four seconds by pushing passed would not make the slightest difference! Face it, if you need to run down (or up) an escalator at rush hour then you should be getting out of bed fifteen minutes earlier in the mornings.

The most annoying thing is that I normally get on the same train as the people who push passed me anyway. Does it make me a bad person that I want them to trip…?

3 – Cars in Bus Lanes

 Now the interesting thing here is that I was referring to the selfish slug-brained road abusers of London when I thought of this, but when I sought out a helpful image from Wikipedia I find exactly the thing I despise, as below, happening in New York City!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Broadway_bus_lane_jeh.JPG

Well, this proves to me that there are morons all over the world! Sure, save yourselves a minute or two by taking up a bus lane. The fact that you alone seem to require an SUV just for yourself anyway is not enough. In fact, why doesn’t everyone do it? I mean, cars can definitely carry more people than buses, are cheaper to run, provide a worthwhile public service and there is no such thing as congestion.

People who drive cars in the centres of the ‘big’ (those with reasonable public transport, like London and New York) cities of the world are possibly among the most selfish in the world.

4 – Cyclists Who Use Pavements!

 Similar to the above really, it is simply selfish. I have nearly been killed many times walking along the pavements of London, not by cars or knife-wielding gangs (though they are an issue), but by environment-conscious healthy-living cyclists!

The rules of the road certainly don’t apply to them (I refer, of course, to red lights and zebra crossings, which must be invisible if you are on a bike), but the rules of the pavement seem not to matter either.

London’s Community Support Officers seem (somehow) overwhelmed by this, as not the other day I, along with several others, was forced to jump out the way of an oncoming cyclist while a group of fluorescent-jacketed statues stood unresponsive next to me. Infuriating!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Community_support_officer

So why didn’t they do anything? I am not the only one who thinks this: there are many letters and texts sent in to the local papers with similar questions!