1. The Medical Examiner looked up at me and help the charred pair of denim jeans in front of her person. A hole been burned through the seat. After a brief silence she said what we both had been afraid of.

“Looks like our Jon Doe here was lighting farts right before he died.”

2. Many things can be done with two fat women, a roll of duct tape, and a big bowl of pasta. I, however, had not predicted this outcome when I dropped the aforementioned items off at the trailer house.

3. Naked, bruised, and bleeding, little Timmy dizzily bumped into the washing machine. He wondered why he ever thought a ride in the clothes dryer would be so much fun.

4. Dropping the doughnuts on the floor and yelling,”Dinnertime!” Arlo was quickly greeted by a multitude of frenzied footfalls emanating from upstairs. His sons quickly commenced to fighting over the only Long John. Arlo was prepared for this and in quick order had laid down the law with a broom handle and reinforced the blows by hollering,”T-bone, Toad, you know its lil’ Freight’s turn at the Long John! Now be-gone witchas”

5. Little Bear couldn’t contain himself any longer. His father, Thunder Bear, had been eating beans all day long while they were on the trail. This caused his breech-cloth to “blow in the wind” quite regularly and was the source of Little Bear’s utter amusement. Surely, he thought, he would get many blows from his father’s bow for the ensuing outburst.

6. Nathan awoke from his drunken stupor in order to releive himself. It had been a long night of drinking and the tank was nearly full. He hurried to the bathroom. However, upon reaching the toilet and releasing his stream the familair trickle did not follow. Nathan looked down and suddenly realized what had happened. He had had “relations” with somebody last night and was currently filling up his spent contraceptive like a water balloon.

7. Amanda was having a very forgetful day. She couldn’t seem to keep track of anything. Worst of all she had spent most of the morning with a tampon behind her ear, and to top it off, she couldn’t find her favorite pencil anywhere.

8. Alec heard the alarm go off that signalled the beginning of the day. Ignoring it, he pulled the covers up over his head only to regret it immediatly. It seemed that Alec had been sleep-farting the night before.

9. Maggie was horrified. Her father had ruined her perfect day. Worst of all, it had been so unsuspected. He’d been sober for a decade at this point. If they had only known he was on the bottle they never would have invited him and he never would have passed out and fell on the wedding cake. Maggie expressed this to Jeremiah, her new husband.

Jeremiah responded by saying, “Frankly, I’m not at all surprised.”

“What?,” she screamed. “You knew he was drinking again?”

Jeremiah smiled. “Nope, its just that when he gave you away at the ceremony he turned to me and whispered, I’m drunk as hell, and I think I just pissed myself.”

10. Marty was dumb-founded. The pizza delivery man had come into his house, took off all his clothes and was now dancing in the living room in front of his two teenaged daughters.

“They’re too young to see this!” he thought out loud.

“How did it come to this?”

Then he realized his fatal error. He had ordered the meat-lover’s combo from Pink Panda Pizza. He stood in the kitchen petrified until he heard his youngest say, “Hey Beth, this is just like the porno we saw the other day isn’t it?”