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Miz Brown

Published by Tulan in Humor
December 25th, 2010

Honey, I was walking up to sister’s and it was so cold, if I was a man my pecker would have frozen and fell right off. Anyways, I stopped at our neighbor, Miz Brown’s house to warm up a little. Well, child that woman was so proud to see me, she took me right in to her fireplace and I tell you, I just stood there and soaked up the heat. Now, Miz Brown is an old maid, honey and proud of it. She says she wouldn’t have any man the sun ever shined on, and if she told you the story of her life, you wouldn’t blame her. To tell the truth, sometimes I kinda envy her.

Miz Brown Lives Betwixt Me and Sister

I was just walking up to sister’s house and it’s cold, honey it’s cold as a witch’s tit. I thought I would stop at old Miz Brown’s house to warn myself, and I did. I stopped and knocked at that old woman’s door. My hand was so cold I thought it would near about fall off when I banged on that door. Miz Brown opened the door and said, Well, bless your heart, if it ain’t Lacy from across the creek, and I said, yes ma’am it shore is. That old woman pulled me in the house and hustled me right up by the fire. I tell you child, that fire felt so good, I thought I’d died and gone to heaven.

Now, Miz Brown is an old maid. She ain’t never been married in her life and honey, she don’t like younguns. She don’t let em linger around her place. She’ll send them little scutters on their way so fast it’ll make their heads swim. Miz Brown ain’t one that’ll put up with no foolishness. I tell you child, sister’s younguns hurry right past Miz Brown’s house. They don’t pull no capers on her like they do me. She would have their tail’s in a sling quicker than you could spit. Well, I would too, if it wasn’t for sister. I don’t want to ruffle sister’s feathers too much. Her nose would get so bent out of joint she’d pull me bald headed and that’s the truth. Sister’s a fool about her younguns.

Now Miz Brown is a right smart old woman. She’s been living on the side of the mountain as long as I can remember. I used to come to her house with mama when I was knee high to a duck and Mama always said Miz Brown was the talkinest woman she ever did see. Mama told me Miz Brown could talk the ears off a brass monkey, and honey it’s the honest to God truth. Miz Brown said she never studied getting married because she couldn’t stomach having any younguns around her house. She said she helped her mama raise twenty younguns and she never wanted to lay eyes on another one in her life. She was sick to death of cleaning snotty noses and washing diapers for a passel of younguns.

She just wanted to set by herself and think. Well, Miz Brown’s an old lady now and she got what she wanted. Her little cabin is as snug and cosy as you could want. She has her pot hanging over the fire and cooks her vittles right there while she’s warming herself. I guess you could say she kills two birds with one stone. Miz Brown keeps a big stack of fire wood cut and stacked right beside her door, and child, she’s a body to work. That old woman can work rings around a billy goat. Well, children I knowed you all would like to know about mine and sister’s neighbors on the mountain and Miz Brown’s our closest one. I’ve gotta get on up to sister’s now and see how she’s doing. I shore hope she ain’t got no burr under her saddle today. If she does, we’ll just have to boogie.

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10 Comments
  1. Posted December 25, 2010 at 12:30 pm

    Nice write. I am impressed from this

  2. Posted December 25, 2010 at 1:52 pm

    thanks for sharing

  3. Posted December 25, 2010 at 7:07 pm

    I enjoyed reading this, you certainly know how to tell a story

  4. Posted December 26, 2010 at 9:54 pm

    I always enjoy your stories, Tulan. They always make me laugh, thank you for that!

  5. Posted December 26, 2010 at 10:46 pm

    Nice Share.

    :-)

  6. Posted December 27, 2010 at 10:41 am

    Tulan, this was perfect. You are with out a doubt, an old fashioned story-teller. Awesome.

  7. Posted December 27, 2010 at 10:05 pm

    Tulan, this one is great. I think I knew Miz Brown in another life.

  8. Posted December 28, 2010 at 2:51 pm

    roflmao – very funny story – thanks for the laugh

  9. Posted December 28, 2010 at 4:21 pm

    you sure are a story teller :)

  10. Posted December 28, 2010 at 4:30 pm

    Well written–you really made Mz Brown come alive there.

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