North Pole Daily News: Spork Snoogle reporting;

Well Rudolph is busy cheating on his wife again with Prancers girlfriend, it is the second time this year and the juries out if divorce proceedings are forthcoming, both legal teams are tight lipped and Mrs Rudolph has been at a day spa with the kids since Thanksgiving.

Dancer has excema again and he looks like a fluffy unplucked turkey rather than a reindeer. He did however win the 2008 world snowmobile speed record setting a new time of 143.22 mph, way to go Dancer dude! use lotion on those spots, it helps! 

Mrs Claus has been spending way too much “quality time” with the Easter Bunny again, and this of course has sent Santa back into clinical therapy for abandonment issues due to the 1886 incident when Mrs Claus ran off with Jack Frost to London for a week
for a tour of the pubs and way too much scotch.

The sleigh which has been in Donner’s care for there last fifteen years has again gone to neglect for the fourth year in a row due to the fact that he was caught for the third time this year smoking candy cane dust in the back room where the fairy dust is kept…..ironically the fairy dust injectors are the problem with the sleigh and he’s too stoned to clean them out.

So, in the end  it looks like Mrs Rudolph, Blitzen, Comet, and four elves that are “not” part of the new elven affirmative action excessive-labor abuse coalition are taking the sleigh out this Christmas due to the fact that most of the elves are on strike and in Gatlinburg getting jacked up on whiskey and elephant ears. So, the rest of the reindeer had to finish the toys, and the network for the North pole has gone down twice since the network support dept is run by elves, they figured, if no toys get delivered, then Washington will have no choice but to look to the North Pole and get some healthy legislature through congress for elven labor rights, so they hacked their own network from Tennessee, but the reindeer don’t care about computers and finished the toys anyway.

Merry Christmas….I think