Numbers Game

Before having children, I had many theories on the ways to rear them. Now I have six children and no theories.

Thinking of another? Let’s play the Numbers Game!

With only one child-you still have most of your freedom. Everyone wants to babysit… and all the time. Especially if you luck out and your child is the only grandchild, niece/nephew, great grandchild…well, you get the point. And if they stay an only…well the jackpot gets bigger for the kid. You can still pretty much accomplish two things at once and you even find that place again where you remember to shower and brush your hair regularly. Balancing this job and child thing is pretty easy once you get the hang of it. You start to feel like a superwoman and truly believe it.

Two children are a tad more difficult to find sitters for. Though, family is still pretty resilient. You’re now late everywhere and wonder what the latest dance move really means. Then you panic that you’re losing ‘it.’ Whatever ‘it’ is. These breakdowns are brief, however. You start to learn more and more of the intricate relationship between two children that are supposed to by nature love each other. Yet, the youngest seems to dominate the older one by whacking her on the head with horribly heavy objects. You have to sniff your own armpits and laundry to see if you smell, but the kids still look great.

Three children might as well doom you to a life of date nights spent in the living room. Sitters? Good luck! You can’t find the remote, your right shoe, left sock or the keys to the car. Something keeps telling you there’s a reason the baby is quiet and then the fight between two others takes your attention. Suddenly the fire alarm is going off, you haven’t gotten dressed, the kids are still fighting and you remember that you were supposed to be at the doctor’s office an hour ago.

Four children: Add more chaos and forget making appointments. Now instead of fighting, the children pair up against each other and you. Bathing yourself is at least possible, however now you have to fight with the oldest for rights to the tub and/or hot water. You’re really, really talented with the silent look that sends misbehavior scuttling to the corner. Mumbling to yourself or begging to go to the grocery store alone is perfectly normal.