After years of close analysis, I have decided that people, in general, are too stupid to be allowed to walk.   Now, I’m not one of those hippy-liberal-faciso-commies so I don’t want to restrict people walking in their own homes.  But in all honesty, don’t you think its time that we accepted that most people just aren’t able to walk with a sufficient degree of skill to be allowed to walk in public places?

In summery, my concern is this:  Walking involves the ability to move at a pace, reasonably equal to that of the average walker, combined with the ability to consider, at least in passing, other walkers.

If  you’re the kind of person who stops, dead, randomly, for no reason at all.  Then, as some poor bugger tries to walk passed you, you take a step in front of them , then stop again once more with no reason in mind.  But not only this, NOT ONLY THIS you don’t realize somehow that  your doing it. Then perhaps its time to take a cab, bus or rickshaw even.  Walking not your thing?   Don’t worry about it, there are loads of great characters in history who hardly walked at all!!   Why Ironside just to mentions one!! Great man from history, but spent his life in a chair solving crimes.  You want to be like Ironside don’t ya?

I understand that you may think you’re a reasonable walker, or that you may get better.  But think about it, your walking down a street, and you see a child.  So, you and your friends stop to play with it.  Cute really, and besides you don’t notice that buses are swerving to miss the cars, that are swerving to miss the Rickshaws, that are swerving to miss the people forced onto the road by your 100% path occupancy!!   Is this good walking?  No, its not.  You are a failed walker.  Say it to yourself in the mirror.  Say it again, and again!  Are you getting it?? Never walk again.  Your too old, or too stupid, or too ignorant,  or just too used to your car!

I realize that most people want the chance to walk.  But really, with rising obesity rates I’d say that there was at least a fair argument that if we banned say, two thirds of people from walking  they’d not really miss it.  On certainly journeys walking has already fell to less than one percent as a means of transportation[1]

At the end of day, we’d all like to be able to do everything.  I’d love to fly a jet, tame elephants, swallow pythons,  or live on my own island of cheerleaders.  But there must be limits,  for the sake of society as a whole.  Thus I propose the walking license, both a gaunter of walking ability and, in these times of economic crisis a valuable source of government income.   

[1] Figures taken from the 1999 report: ‘Dynamics in transatlantic travel patters.  Due to counting errors figures have a 1% margin of error