A Commercial About Nothing: Analysis of the First Seinfeld Microsoft Commercial
First, watch the commercial so you will be an informed viewer.

OK, Now you are probably thinking what everyone else is thinking, “Double ewe tee eff.”
If this is your reaction, you obviously haven’t put much thought into it. Like classic films such as Killer Klowns from Outer Space, Xanadu, and From Justin to Kelly, you must look deep into the symbolism of the work.

First, let’s analyze the premise.

Jerry Seinfeld (90’s superstar) see’s Bill Gates (head of 90’s super company) trying on shoes in a discount shoe store, Shoe Circus.

Seinfeld helps Gates pick the right shoes by suggesting larger sizes, wearing them in the shower, etc. He also mistakes “leather,” for Gates’ toe.

After deciding that the proper shoe size is 10 (or X?), Gates pays with his Platinum Big Top Card showing a photo the younger and arguably geekier Gates. Seinfeld inquires about the benefits of using the card, to which Gate’s replies, “Big Top Points.”
As they leave the store, Seinfeld asks if his Gates’ mind is still controlling the minions at Microsoft. Gates replies in the affirmative.

Seinfeld asks if Microsoft will ever release a product that will makes computers moist and squishy. Gates answers in an agreed upon secret response – he shifts his underpants.
Now let’s analyze the ad and look for the secret symbolism.
Seinfeld is walking through the mall eating a single churro when he sees Bill Gates in Shoe Circus. This is interesting on many levels.

First, Gates and Seinfeld are both shopping in the mall. Gates to buy shoes and Seinfeld to buy a churro. The shoe store is a discount shoe store, not a fancy shoe store. That said, the employees are older men and their don’t appear to be any tennis shoes in the store (however there are sandals in the background).

In other words, something that is sold to the average consumer at a lower price does not have to mean that the item in of lower quality. Power and status do not have to be sacrificed for being practical and thrifty. Notice the jab at Apple? Of course you did.
Seinfeld is, as we mentioned, eating a single churro. Upon entering the store, he offers Gate’s his churro – after he has taken a bite. There are two things strange about this. First, where do you buy a single churro? Aren’t they always sold in twos? Second, Seinfeld is a known clean freak (see the toothbrush episode) and most clean freaks are also ego centric in the psychological sense. This means that Seinfeld would most likely think of Bill Gates eating his pre-tasted churro would, in some way, taint himself. Why would he then offer it?

Analysis and symbolism behind the churro is a complex and important jab at Apple. The only good Apple computer is one that is brand new, purchased at an Apple store and paid full price for. At the same time, Windows can be added to budget systems. In fact, Windows users pride themselves on buying or building powerful systems as inexpensively as possible. Call that a roundhouse kick to Apple’s face!

The jab fest has only just begun as Gates tries on shoes. What is interesting here is that Seinfeld takes over the shoe store employee’s place as he helps Gates try on each pair of shoes. He also demonstrates his vast knowledge of the current stock, recommending the advantages of the “Conquistador.”

They discuss the tightness of the shoes – especially the left shoe. Seinfeld explains, “They’ll stretch.” Gates, continues to shop for a pair that fits better. Seinfeld explains that wearing the shoes in the shower will help them stretch. He continues this by recommending that he wear all of his clothes in the shower because you are dressed and clean.

The analysis and symbolism probably don’t even need to be provided here, but for those who are a little dense in their ability to interpret obvious clues, we will provide it anyway.
Seinfeld helping Gates pick out shoes is a pulverizing hit to the stomach of Apple. Mac computers can only be truly sold and serviced by Apple. Windows however, can be sold and repaired by your 16-year-old nephew. There is likely a Windows expert in your own household or immediate circle of friends or next to you in line at Wal-mart.

Seinfeld recommends the “Conquistador.” Conquistadors fight bulls. Microsoft is a bull.

Therefore Apple is the conquistador in this analogy. While Apple users will not agree that the OS X platform is stiff (Gates’ accusation), Microsoft is suggesting that customizing the Apple platform is as difficult and impractical as wearing your clothes in the shower.
When Gates finally decides on a pair of shoes, it is stated four times that the size is 10. Is there any coincidence that Apple runs on OS X and that Mac loyalists insist on calling it “OS ten” not OS “ex?”

While paying for the shoes, Gates uses his Shoe Circus Clown Club card. The card is merely a shopping card that provides benefits for frequent shoppers – it is not a credit card. The photo comes equipped with a photo of the young genius Gates, not the old retired Gates. The benefits of using the card are Big Top Points. The card expires in 09.

Don’t even pretend that you don’t understand this. The message to Apple is so devastating. It is obvious that what Microsoft is telling people is that you can buy Microsoft products from any vendor you want and even buy on sale. The only way to get any deals from Apple, is to purchase their machines at Best Buy and apply their Reward Zone program that awards $5 in gift certificates for every $250 spent there. Microsoft is telling Apple that their stores are nothing more than a price-fixed con.

Gates and Seinfeld leave the mall together and THEY BOTH HAVE NEW CHURROS! Seinfeld inquires as to whether Gates has mind melded his Jupiter brain with the Saturn ring brains of Microsoft.”I have,” states Gates.

Seinfeld’s curiosity is piqued as he asks the age old question, “Just wondering, are they ever going to come out with something that will make our computers moist and chewy like cake so we can just eat ‘em while we’re working? If it’s yes, give me a signal, adjust your shorts.” Gates proceeds to do a one quarter hula hip spin to which Seinfeld replies, “Oh, I knew it!”

By now, the symbolism is seeping from all sides like in the classic film that everyone has seen, “Dark Water.” Our sincere apologies for stating the obvious here, but we must explain the symbolism so this article can be ended logically.

Churros are delicious. If given the choice between eating churros or fruit, most people would not hesitate in choosing the churros. Do you see where this is going?

As Seinfeld eats a churro, he asks if Microsoft will ever produce a product that is as delicious as cake (if he were to say churro, Apple could start a lawsuit due to the blatant brand attack).

Apples are not moist and chewy, they are crunchy and not covered with cinnamon and sugar (or icing if we use the cake argument). In other words, Seinfeld is asking if Microsoft will ever make a better product that Apple.

Gate’s confirming signal was a shift of the waist to adjust his underpants. This shows how subtle Microsoft is in their superiority to Apple. If Steve Jobs were to adjust his skivvies as a symbol, he would do it by saying to Seinfeld, “Oh, and one more thing…” Then he would reach around and pull the wedgie out.

Gates is demonstrating that Microsoft handles new products and announcements with class and they know how to slowly ease the public into new product announcements. Apple makes a gotty show their product announcements and always keep the public guessing what they are up to.

The signal of adjusting his briefs in such a subtle but confirming fashion, was a symbol of the beta tests, screenshot leaks, and closed-door demonstrations that Microsoft uses to get the public excited about their new products.

Actually, after writing this, the analysis was probably all wrong and it was simply, like Seinfeld the show, a commercial about nothing.