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Age of Apocalypse: 10 Top Ways of Destroying Planet Earth

Published by Onflames in Satire
February 14, 2008

There was a time when humans believed that they could never walk on the moon. There were times when they believed they could not make machines fly… but now, such things are so obvious for us. In this age of amazing technology, is it possible for humans to destroy the earth as a planet, completely?

Destroying something as large as the earth isn’t really easy, but here are a few suggestions:

1. CEASING TO EXIST

  • Materials Required: Anything to pass the time.
  • Method: This is the easiest, but least possible way. Just sit back and relax by doing your favorite activity and just by chance, the 200,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,……. Atoms constituting the earth may just fail to exist. Work done, the earth is now destroyed! But the chances of this ever happening are more than one to a googleplex.
  • Plan Feasibility Level: 0 / 10
  • Earth’s Final Looks: Empty space.

2. CONSUMED BY STRANGELETS

  • Materials Required: A stable strangelet. A strangelet is a form of matter with the mass of a nucleus and with ‘ups’ and ‘downs’ all over it.
  • Method: To create a stable strangelet is possible only is you have control over the Reletivistic Heavy Ion Collider in Brookhaven National Laboratory, Long Island, New York. After forming a strangelet, keep it steady for enough time to consume the earth and your aim is achieved! But the actual probability of creating a STABLE strangelet for that long is quite nil.
  • Plan Feasibility Level: 1 / 10
    Earth’s
  • Final Looks: A huge glob of wobbly matter.

3. GETTING ABSORBED BY A MICROSCOPIC BLACK HOLE

  • Materials Required: A device to create a microscopic black hole, with mass equaling that of Mt. Everest.
  • Method: Simply place your black hole on the ground and wait. The black hole will start sinking into the core of the earth, and will absorb all matter on its way – a slow but possible ending.
  • Plan Feasibility Level: 2 / 10
  • Earth’s Final Looks: An extremely tiny piece of matter of almost zero mass, which will continue its revolutions around the sun as it always had.

4. DISINTEGRATED BY MATTER-ANTI-MATTER REACTION

  • Materials Required: 2, 500, 000, 000, 000 tons of anti-matter, the most explosive substance ever. It causes matter to just ‘disintegrate’. This is a really simple way to put an end to life, but the complications involved in creating it makes in quite difficult.
  • Method: Just thrust the required amount of anti-matter from space into the earth, and watch it blow up into a thousand pieces.
  • Plan Feasibility Level: 5 / 10
  • Earth’s Final Looks: Another asteroid belt in the solar system, this time around the sun.

5. VACUUM ENERGY DETONATION

  • Materials Required: A simple light bulb (Yes, those tiny light bulbs CAN destroy the earth).
  • Method: We may not be aware of this, but vacuum energy can be harnessed to give potentially destructive results. The vacuum inside an ordinary 60W light bulb can be harnessed to produce energy that can boil all of the earth’s water. Of course, destroying the earth is much harder than that, but it is certainly possible. Construct a power plant that can properly harness vacuum energy and carry out the necessary processes- then let them run out of control. This could blow up ot just the earth, but even the sun!
  • Plan Feasibility Level: 5 / 10
  • Earth’s Final Looks: A rapidly expanding cloud consisting of particles of varying sizes.

6. GETTING ABSORBED INTO A GIANT BLACK HOLE

  • Materials Required: A large black hole (the nearest one to earth is 1600 light years away from our planet), extremely powerful engines that can move something as massive as the earth.
  • Method: This is one of the easiest ways of destroying the earth, given that the earth and the black hole are already in contact. The plan is extremely simple: just bring both into contact; the difficult part is – bringing them into contact. Just to do so will take 800 years, given that both the earth and the black hole are traveling at each other. Apply this method only if you can’t create a microscopic black hole as stated in method 3.
  • Plan Feasibility Level: 6 / 10
  • Earth’s Final Looks: A giant part of the mass of the black hole.

7. DECONSTRUCTION BY STAGES

  • Materials Required: An extremely powerful mass driver, or many loads of less powerful ones. Remember, we’re talking about 2 x 10^32 kilojoules of energy out here.
  • Method: Finally, something that could be started right now! All that needs to be done is taking a mass driver, digging up large chunks of the earth and tossing it into space. The difficult bit is, you need a mass driver strong enough to work at 11km/sec even under normal atmospheric conditions. Considering we dig out billion tons of mass from the earth, while the earth exerts gravity, it would take us another 189,000,000 years – remember, patience is a virtue!
  • Plan Feasibility Level: 6 / 10
  • Earth’s Final Looks: Billions of tiny pieces floating around the universe.

8. IMPACT OF SPEEDING MASS

  • Materials Required: Something large with a lot of mass (Planet Mars would do just great) and a device to accelerate the massive object.
  • Method: Basically, anything gets destroyed due to the impact of mass under velocity striking it. All we’ve got to do is: take something, such as Mars, that has enough mass to destroy the earth, accelerate it to at least 40-50 km/sec^2. Or you could even take a smaller mass, such as a 10,000,000,000,000 ton asteroid and hurl it at the earth at 90% the speed of light. The impact would be enough to pulverize the earth.
  • Plan Feasibility Level: 7 / 10
  • Earth’s Final Looks: Once again, billions of rock chunks scattered around the solar system.

9. VON NEUMANN DESTRUCTION

  • Materials Required: A single Von Neumann machine. Von Neumann machines are self-replicating devices that can create exact copy of themselves under the availability of the required raw materials.
  • Method: Create a VN machine consisting primarily of iron, magnesium and silicon, the most abundantly available minerals in the earth. Place the VN machine on the ground and watch it replicate, as it eats up the earth.
  • Plan Feasibility Level: 8 / 10
  • Earth’s Final Looks: A large mass of VN machines, and probably a core of iron orbiting the sun, as the earth does.

10. HURLING INTO THE SUN

  • Materials Required: Machines capable of moving the earth.
  • Method: Just hurl the earth towards the earth – it’s as simple as that. Although this is not possible with the current level of technology known to us, the day is definitely not too far before this can be made possible. Of course, a large asteroid knocking the earth in the right direction, under required velocity, would also do the job.
  • Plan Feasibility Level: 9 / 10
  • Earth’s Final Looks: A small globule of vaporized iron slowly sinking into the hot masses of the sun.

So, are you ready for the Apocalypse?

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13 Comments

  1. Parrie
    Posted February 14, 2008 at 12:50 pm

    Even nerds get bored huh. But at least these guys are putting their brain & boredom together to create something semi interesting for the rest of us who’re bored & not being creative to consume.
    Maybe these writers could meet up with the ping pong ball guy & start a revolution?

  2. IcyCucky
    Posted February 14, 2008 at 12:55 pm

    Speechless…

  3. Geordie Janner
    Posted February 15, 2008 at 3:14 am

    Great article Onflame!
    I think humans are doing a pretty good job at destroying the Earth already!

  4. Onflame
    Posted February 15, 2008 at 5:59 am

    LOL, I guess you’re right GJ!

  5. Anne Lyken-Garner
    Posted February 15, 2008 at 6:12 am

    This is really clever, it approaches a very important subject in a way that just forces you to think about it.

  6. Onflame
    Posted February 15, 2008 at 6:28 am

    Thanks Anne!

  7. Alexa Gates
    Posted February 15, 2008 at 1:14 pm

    Great article! I wouldnt’ have guessed that a light bulb could destroy the earth…guess iwas wrong :)

  8. Kane
    Posted May 21, 2008 at 7:20 am

    I wanna make a micro black hole. Where can I get the materials?

  9. desmonrock21
    Posted June 13, 2008 at 1:41 am

    The best way is Smoke Bealching!
    to increase the global warming.

  10. Josh
    Posted May 18, 2009 at 9:28 am

    Cool

  11. Josh
    Posted May 18, 2009 at 9:29 am

    We as humans need to work together to undo the things we have done to the earth or we are done for

  12. Posted September 22, 2009 at 7:20 am

    Very nice and very lovely tribute to our planets and mother earth and I was speechless by this article. Very thoughtful and insightful.Lee Ness
    http://authspot.com/poetry/dream-fairy/

  13. Posted October 9, 2009 at 8:21 pm

    Simply amazing.

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