“It wasn’t easy finding work after being President of the United States. I tried sitting around reading Ann Coulter and George Will, but after three months that got old. Even listening to Rush Limbaugh didn’t help. Then I tried being a rodeo rider, but that didn’t work. The horse threw me and I almost broke my back. Finally, I tried being a country music singer – something I thought I would be good at – but that didn’t work out. People like listening to their old Conway Twitty records.

“Then I tried ballerina dancing and what do you know – I’m a hit!

“Bolshoi eat your heart out!”