I fell in love this afternoon. It hit me suddenly when I checked my mail. There in my mailbox was the Coach Spring catalog! The purse on the cover shouted out my name. Then it whispered seductively promising me glory.

It is a tangerine leather hobo bag and I think I am going to die, if I cannot possess it. I can see myself strutting around the mall and receiving envious stares. I want it. I need it. I will do anything to get this latest Coach purse.

I admit to being obsessed four times a year with each new season of Coach Catalogs. If Jeopardy had a Coach category I would win insane amounts of money. I would say “Coach Purses for ten million Alex.” Alex Trebek would read “I am a bohemian pattern with red random material.” I would quickly respond “What is the Coach 2007 Holiday Collection?”

Yes, this latest Coach purse that I crave is meant to be mine. Why else would it be plastered on the cover of a catalog that I find in my mailbox? Isn’t that melon color absolutely heavenly? I do long to brush my hand across its supple leather body.

I know it is on the cover for a reason. I believe in karma and this purse is meant to live its life with me.

It is $500.

Five-hundred dollars? Well, it is Coach, genuine merchandise and it comes with the little Coach tag on the gold chain. Included also is the traditional brown coverlet that allows it to be stored and kept clean.

The cost is a bit high, but surely not extravagant. I have bought several beautiful Coach purses already this year and I need a sibling for the incomplete family. I can’t ignore it!

I looked at the photos and I feel it crying out to me. It longs to be a member of my Coach collection. How can I deny this purse the same opportunities that I have given the others?

It is a “Pleated Framed Satchel” and it looks very roomy too. The Ergo design won’t make my shoulder ache. This is quite a selling point. I already own a shiny brown Ergo Coach purse with gold hardware, so I can vouch for the comfort!

But I need $500.

I could stand on the corner. Perhaps I could hold open one of my other Coach purses to collect the cash. I would carry a sign that said, “Woman in desperate need of a new Spring Collection Coach purse, please contribute to my therapy.”

I am sure that dozens of women would gladly drop a twenty or two into my Fall, 2008 Carly bag. My Carly purse is red, girls! I have seen you drool over it!

Women understand the passion that develops between a female and her purse.

Coach purses really are not that expensive in the grand scheme of things. Many other designer bags are easily twice as much! Coach is such a quality product too.

I am convinced that carrying the right purse is a silent language between women. I know a fake Coach a mile away. The fake ones make me groan and turn in disgust. Nothing lasts like a Coach girls! Cash in those fake ones and buy one authentic Coach. It will give you so much more clout in the shopping malls.

Most of all, I love to open my Coach bag and pull out one of my two Coach wallets! Oh the clerks in the stores flip over this trick. Sometimes I even flash my Coach checkbook cover and my Coach initial key chain. You want to be noticed? It is all in the accessories darling! Remember that!

Why just last week I walked into Nordstrom carrying one of my Coach Signature bags. Let me tell you ladies, that the store employee was stuck to me like glue and ever so polite. Her eyes lit up like neon dollar signs. Gosh, it was poignant. That simple clerk gave me a quality of service I could never have commanded with a lesser bag.

Oh I know you girls out there love your Channel, your Dooney, your Prada , your Gucci and your Burberry. But ladies listen now, it is a CRITICAL MISTAKE to not own a Coach.

I realize this is controversial, I did say “critical mistake.”

I am expecting readers to write their “I am so insulted and offended” comments. But I must speak the truth as it flows from my very veins.

I am proud to say that the very cornerstone of good parenting is to instill the love of Coach products in your children. My daughter adores Coach. My son is not interested.

I just hope that I have not failed him as a parent in instilling those core values.

Some people must think that Coach is my religion. But I never endorse religion.

Instead I see Coach as my faith system! I have faith that I will buy another one very soon. How I pity those human beings who have no faith system in Coach.

After all, for me darlings I must always be carrying a Coach. A Coach is the most!