The press is sorry to announce that yesterday, Mr. Dare E. Cow failed at his attempt to jump the moon. The tragic incident occurred when Mr. Cow’s pole broke, as he was attempting the jump with a vaulting pole. The press also interviewed several other farm inhabitants, one of whom was Mr. Dog, who said, “I was sorry to see this happen to

Mr. Dare E. Cow. We had been friends for a long time.” After Mr. Dog said this, though, one of our reporters heard him whisper to himself, “I laughed to see such a sight.” This makes us think it could have been a planned accident, but the police have no proof. In memory of this fine cow, all the Chick-Fil-A cows have taken today off. In other news, it is said that Humpty-Dumpty had a great fall, and it is rumored that the dish ran away with the spoon.