Follow us on Twitter
Dollar Store Bargains
Published by spencercane in Satire
September 7th, 2009
What to buy if you’re going cheap.
-
Shaving Razors
You might end up looking like Freddy Krueger, but look at the bright side – you’ll never have to shave again.
-
Pregnancy Tests
Hey, how high-tech do you want your pregnancy test to be? I mean, all you have to do is pee on it and it’s red or blue. It’s not that complicated.
-
Condoms
Hey, if they fail, there’s always the pregnancy test available for purchase for – you guessed it – $1.00. You can’t get lambskin, but it’ll get the job done and with a 51% success rate, the odds are on your side.
-
Mrs. Freshley’s Snacks
For those late night munchies while you’re high on weed.
-
Hair Coloring Kits
Who cares if your hair turns orange? – you could always shave your hair off with the dollar store razors you just bought. Your bald head can then match your face.
-
Puzzles
Who needs all 500 pieces? Part of the fun is putting 499 together only to figure out that the 500th piece wasn’t there to begin with.
-
Pets
If you’re lonely you can always buy a “grow-in-the-cage” polar bear to keep you company. Just add water and they grow. Empty the water and they shrink. You can’t get a more simple companion than that. And they will never tell you how stupid you are for buying all that cheap stuff that ruined your life.
Liked it
