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Dollar Store Bargains

Published by spencercane in Satire
September 7th, 2009

What to buy if you’re going cheap.

  1. Shaving Razors

    You might end up looking like Freddy Krueger, but look at the bright side – you’ll never have to shave again.

  2. Pregnancy Tests

    Hey, how high-tech do you want your pregnancy test to be? I mean, all you have to do is pee on it and it’s red or blue. It’s not that complicated.

  3. Condoms

    Hey, if they fail, there’s always the pregnancy test available for purchase for – you guessed it – $1.00. You can’t get lambskin, but it’ll get the job done and with a 51% success rate, the odds are on your side.

  4. Mrs. Freshley’s Snacks

    For those late night munchies while you’re high on weed.

  5. Hair Coloring Kits

    Who cares if your hair turns orange? – you could always shave your hair off with the dollar store razors you just bought. Your bald head can then match your face.

  6. Puzzles

    Who needs all 500 pieces? Part of the fun is putting 499 together only to figure out that the 500th piece wasn’t there to begin with.

  7. Pets

    If you’re lonely you can always buy a “grow-in-the-cage” polar bear to keep you company. Just add water and they grow. Empty the water and they shrink. You can’t get a more simple companion than that. And they will never tell you how stupid you are for buying all that cheap stuff that ruined your life.

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