The Mini-Moon is a seldom studied natural phenomenon orbiting the Earth, the presence of which is frequently dismissed by astronomers owing to it’s size and the fact that it’s not as impressive as the proper moon. Unlike it’s more familiar counterpart, which is about 2,000 miles across, the Mini-Moon has a diameter of roughly 5ft with a distance from the Earth of about 3ft although this changes if it comes across an exceptionally high kerb or pavement.

The Mini-Moon travelling down London’s Oxford Street

With an average speed of about 2ft per second, the Mini-Moon rarely poses a threat to mankind except for some slight nudging or a dent in a badly-parked car. Despite this, the immense gravitational forces needed to keep it from crashing to Earth means that it is literally unstoppable and so planning permission for many buildings needs to compensate for the Mini-Moon’s orbit. Constructions in its path are built around large tubes that allow the satellite to pass through without causing any structural damage.

Unlike its larger cousin, the Mini-Moon is too small to have any impact on the tides of the oceans. However recent discoveries show that it does affect smaller bodies of liquid including puddles, egg yolks and any cans of soft drinks which happen to be near it as it passes.

Although people have been clambering on the Mini-Moon for centuries, the first astronaut  to land on its surface was Michael Harrigan of Kent who used a chair to climb onto the Mini-Moon in 1973. Within seconds he was standing upright on its North Pole where he planted a small flag and uttered the words, “Look, no hands!”

This is the furthest the British space program has managed to get.

Because the Mini-Moon passes over several countries on its trip around the globe and so technically classifies as an area of whatever nation it is orbiting over, its status must routinely be updated to avoid any political upset. This infamously led to an awkward situation in 1924 when it passed over the border between Saudi Arabia and Yemen whilst a soldier was gleefully sitting atop it. The Yemenese government saw this as a military invasion and sent troops into Saudi Arabia. The troublesome circumstances were quickly solved after only four deaths, averting a much larger conflict.

Trivia

• The Mini-Moon appears on the national flag for Abkhazia.
• It also appears briefly in the background of ‘The Sound of Music’.
• It was rejected Grade One status by the National Trust because ‘it only remains in the country for four months and so does not count as a National Treasure’ Because of this the Mini-Moon is regularly graffitied upon and has to be frequently cleaned by the freelance company MoonShine Inc.
• Celebrities who have walked on its surface include Rutger Hauer, Cindy Crawford and Sting who later wrote the song ‘Walking on the Moon’ to describe his experience.

The Mini-Moon as seen from space