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How to Dress Like a Stylish New Yorker in 10 Easy Steps

Published by Angelita DeBois in Satire
July 26th, 2008

If you always wanted that SJP look, this is the article for you.

I’m a New Yorker. Not some mid-west transplant that pretends…I’m the real deal. I was born here, grew up here and still live here. I commute by subway every morning so I have more than enough experience to tell the rest of the country (and the WORLD) how to dress like a New Yorker without breaking your pockets.

  1. Start wearing your clothes from 20 years ago

    All over the city, shutter shades, neon and popped collars are all the rage. If you want (need) to be hip, you probably already have the wardrobe. It’s 1988 all over again!

  2. Wear all black

    This has been the standard uniform of all New Yorkers for hundreds of years. Black clothing is bohemian and funky fresh. Plus-it’s easy to coordinate.

  3. Shop at thrift stores

    If you think all we do here in the Big Apple is shop at Bloomingdales and Macy’s-you are so wrong! We’re trying to pay our $1500 rent for our sixth-floor walkup studio. Old is the new New!

  4. Wear nothing that matches

    Most New Yorkers don’t really care HOW we look to others (because we are sooo self involved). I was left the house in a pink top and a green skirt while wearing brown Mary Janes. It started a micro-trend!

  5. Get a back tattoo

    Nothing say’s “hip” better than a tribal back tattoo. Can’t afford it? Pen and a stencil works fine as long as it’s not too hot where you live.

  6. Wear lots of black eyeliner

    “Heroin Chic” never really went out of style. If you already rail thin, that makes it just that much easier to pull off the look.

  7. Wear “retro” tees

    Anything with corny, innocuous, stupid sayings qualifies. Still have that shirt from your 6th grade double-dutch tournament? Stop using it as a dust rag and put that on!

  8. Get white headphones

    The who’s who of New York all have iPods. iPods are expensive. Fake it by purchasing white ear buds. No one will be the wiser.

  9. Don’t wash your hair

    “Greasy Grudge” is a trademark New York hair style. The less you do, the more you’ll look like a New Yorker.

  10. Attitude adjustment-New York Style!

    The easiest thing to do is to change how you deal with people. Turn into a superficial, artsy, rude joke-that’s NYC right there!

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7 Comments
  1. lizzy
    Posted May 29, 2009 at 2:45 am

    haha im only 20 years old! Those clothes won’t fit me anymore! lol

  2. Trina
    Posted November 9, 2009 at 5:08 pm

    I miss living in New York!

  3. Posted January 8, 2010 at 10:22 pm

    Sorry Roy; this is meant to be all in fun because only an idiot would take it seriously. FYI: I live in the Bronx too and I can at least spell.

  4. d
    Posted March 3, 2010 at 2:11 am

    Its funny that the person who wrote the article is calling new york a joke in a FASHION article.

  5. lizy-tx
    Posted April 27, 2010 at 10:46 pm

    people take everything so serious now a days… chill out, have fun, smile, hell, get laid…. great and funny article.

  6. ashley
    Posted April 23, 2011 at 12:27 am

    So contradicting…

  7. Alexus Marie Hernandez
    Posted January 29, 2012 at 7:48 pm

    Im from newyork,ilive here now. Been here 17 yrs. My WHOLE FAMILY is puerto rican& blck. But were from NYC. AALLLL US. And tuu be honest.. you got this all wrong bbbby.

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