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Justin Bieber Caught Using Drugs

Published by Julian Simmons in Satire
September 16th, 2011

Teen pop sensation Justin Bieber was arrested earlier today. The 17 year old star was caught using the illegal new drug, uramoron.

Image via Wikipedia

Bieber is said to have been in an agitated state when police found the star hiding under a table in an Applebee’s restaurant on W. 95th Street Lenexa, Kansas. Upon searching the young pop idol, he was found to have in his possession large quantities of the illegal drug uramoron. Fans of Justin Bieber will be devastated by this revelation and it could seriously damage his future career. The Lenexa police department declined to comment, except to confirm that they were holding a 17 year old male on suspicion of narcotics abuse.

Image via Wikipedia

One patron of the popular Applebee’s restaurant said the following of the bizarre scene;

“There was this kid under one of the tables, it looked like he was eating food scraps from the floor. His hair was a complete mess, and he was dressed like a girl. He started yelping like a dog and my kids thought he was the in-house entertainment. I never even figured it was Justin Bieber until I saw it on the news; I guess that’s what being on uramoron does to a person.”

Uramoron is the latest in trendy drugs being abused by young socialites such as Justin Bieber. The drug is said to effect the user’s ability to distinguish between male and female attire; plays havoc with personal grooming; and often results in the public mistaking them for members of the opposite sex. Bieber was released on bail of twenty thousand dollars, but must appear in court on November 15th, 2011, to answer the charges against him.

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5 Comments
  1. Posted September 16, 2011 at 5:18 am

    Funny, real funny. Uramoron….mmm…makes ya think.
    (don’t you ever remove your tongue from inside your cheek!!)

  2. Posted September 16, 2011 at 9:27 pm

    This is ground breaking reporting, right here. ;)

  3. Posted September 17, 2011 at 5:35 am

    …I’m waiting for the news that Cookie monster has been caught with an added ingredient in his cookies!
    It’s a pleasure reading your articles!

  4. Posted October 6, 2011 at 11:44 pm

    haha. love. it.

  5. Posted October 9, 2011 at 11:46 pm

    This effin Bieber child star has to get a new hair style. He looks like a spoiled girl tom-boy, for christs sake. What a brat this star is. Time for Rehab Bieber!

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